Forbidden by @cool_reader_
The opening paragraphs were very vivid - I could really envision what you were trying to say.
Jessica's longing for Daniel is really evident too.
Some words could have been spiced up a bit (look at the "normal" example I commented.)
More description would be nice. I felt some parts were a little bland and could be worked.
With the end of chapter one, I felt like there could be a LOT more desperation in the way everyone was handling the situation. There was a lot of potential to make it more dramatic.
Noun/adjective + gerund = hyphen in between.
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Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]
RandomCLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.
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