Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#208 Broken Seams

Broken Seams by @Poison_Rose2

I know you said you didn't want any attention paid to SPAG but I did a teeny bit.

As already mentioned in the comments, "held onto my forehead" doesn't sound right. Please look at my comments and suggestions.

No slash needed. Decide on a word. :)

I'll tag you in a post where I explain how to format dialogue properly.

More description in general would be nice. I feel like when she wakes up, the main character doesn't describe anything and dives straight into the conversation with the doctor. Maybe add a few lines of description of the room or something before that to really enhance the writing.

Also, I get the impression that the main character should want to wonder more about what happened to her. We only get like a paragraph of her wondering. I would develop this because it must be a really big thing, considering she's in a hospital with nothing better to do than to think and wonder about what she can't remember, etc.

Numbers spelled out completely look more formal.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

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