Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#200 The Asylum

The Asylum by @lovechild777 (WHOO!! YOU'RE THE 200TH CRITIQUE!)

The paragraphs were really long. Try and split them up so that it's easier to read.

Showing not telling will really help the writing. Show the readers how Jessica feels (e.g. In the morning when she wakes up in that first chapter, don't tell us she's hungry.)

New person = new line. Even for dialogue.

Take care with basic grammar and layout. For example spaces after commas and full stops and things like that. Maybe a spellchecker will help.

One exclamation mark is enough.

I'll tag you in a critique where I've shown someone else how to format dialogue correctly.

Good plot twist with the grandma. That was surprising.

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