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Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

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#212 Last Light

29 4 1

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Last Light by @MmTt11
CHAPTERS 7-8 PT2

Some confusion with prepositions. There were so many that I couldn't comment on all of them but make a note of the ones I did mention.

I'm not sure why some words were in italics. There didn't seem to be any structure.

Tense jumps were a big problem.

It's/its.

More description would really have been great, especially of the Shadow King.

Some tweaking of grammar and things, and this could be quite good.

Also, show and don't tell. (Like the bit with the men in the house and them stating they had a heart attack. SHOW us. Make them jump and scream and knock things in the dark. It'll be funny.)

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