Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#201 What She Craves

What She Craves by @Lyn_Novelle

You used a lot of big words (especially in the first few paragraphs of the first chapter). Personally I think it's better to use simpler words and only save the big ones when you can't find anything else. Being accessible to the reader is the most important thing.

Some repititions of words (e.g. Building) where other words would have been appropriate. If you do this, you're showing more skill.

Mix up with some words so it made the sentences not make sense.

I found there was also some clumsy phrasing with some unnecessary subordinate clauses.

Really good focus on the cup before the earthquake - it made a good tense scene.

Numbers spelled out look more formal.

I'll tag in a critique where I've shown someone else how to format dialogue correctly.

Tense jumps were occasionally a problem but not really.

Great plot twist with the romance film.

Commas before names.

Overall, needs a bit of work on grammar and characterisation.

Remember that this is a critique, NOT a criticism. Please spread the word!

If you would like a critique, please read the guidelines, fill out the form, and complete the payment, all which can be found at the beginning of this book. :)