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CLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.

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#210 Dean

26 5 3

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Dean by @Complexity_

I really love the introduction to Jayden. It was quirky and light, but also serious at the same time, and had a very John Green quality which I love.

Small typos but they didn't detract from the story like some do.

More description really would have been helpful because I felt like there was no insight into the world that Jayden was in.

Jayden, as mentioned before, is very likeable. Hard to make me like a character so well done.

What I don't get is when Dean called Jayden and Jayden said he knew Dean was in hospital and that he was going to see him. Why didn't he go and see him before if he knew where he was? That seems a bit unclear.

Fix some of your apostrophes of possession.

Numbers spelled out in full look more formal.

I wouldn't do ellipses in dialogue for pauses (ie. "..."). It doesn't look great.

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