Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

#228 Carnal Desires

Carnal Desires by @MistaRonJon

I found there were too many ellipses in the first part of the first poem. I get you're trying to drag out the lines and slow down the pace but you can achieve that with different techniques (longer vowels for instance).

I liked the flow from each part to the next. Good consistency.

The fact that this was poetry was very refreshing (I don't get to review a lot of it).

I felt you used a bit too many extravagant words. A few are fine, since you're trying to establish a certain tone but there became a point where I couldn't actually understand what you were trying to say.

Like above, I like the mythical, flowing feel but at times it seemed a little long and confusing. Maybe include a little more concrete words instead of all these abstract ideas (they're good - don't get me wrong. Just a little too much). Or even consider including a bit more of a plot. If you've got a whole book of poetry that doesn't go anywhere, what's the use in that?

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