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Critiques 2 [CLOSED FOR CATCH UP]

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CLOSED FOR CATCH UP Want some honest, un-sugarcoated, constructive feedback? Come on in! I would love to help you out! This is my second critique book and a direct continuation. Please refer to this one instead of the old one.

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#191 Vice

32 2 3

by xanabanana66x

by xanabanana66x

Vice by @saxophone94

Great dialogue at the beginning - we learnt so much within just the first few paragraphs.

(And the dialogue was correctly formatted. Normally people don't do that so yay!)

Occasional places where some words and phrases would have sounded better than the ones you had.

The whispering in the ear part was unrealistic and cheesy. I would take that out. If you really want it in, then I would really go into detail on how it feels, etc.

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