I've never had a strong grip on myself and my identity and the people surrounding me as a community. But as I look back on growing up I felt most strong to a community is when I went to chruch. Going to Sunday school learning about Jesus and how Jesus is there for me. I would pray everyday (mostly asking, or just talking because I was a lonely child) to god. Then when my dad went to jail my family stopped going to chruch when I was 11. I didn't go fo chruch for a long time. And over time I've lost the values and morals I use to have. I fell so apart. I completely became a person that really wasn't me. I got so influenced by social media and the trends and pressure from others. I had nothing holding me together. Then in 10th grade, I stopped being bisexual, and I tried to be Mormon. I went to chruch like twice because my parents were very against it. But I wanted to and I wanted to be apart of it. I slowly fell away from it and I didn't even get baptized or any of that.
Then that summer going into 11th
I hung out with Alicia a lot. Like everyday. And I became more like her, there's some things that she does that I would never. She tried to set me up with random boys that we would meet on base. And this one boy didn't want to date me for being a virgin and from that point on I let myself spiral into falling apart and not being true to myself. And well I don't need to really talk about the events from 11th grade it was just a mess and that should be enough information.
And well what I mean is I was best when I was going to church and had the reminder of god by going to chruch. Idk man
I'm weak and I am so easy influenced by others. And if I'm going to influence myself in any direction I should at least go in a positive direction of god and church, instead of sex and drugs.
But a big thing made me stop being Christian and Mormon, was not being able to both be religious and bisexual .
also a thing that made me stop was my family
When I found out what bisexuality was and that I could like both when I was 12 Ish 13 ish years old, I related to it. But if I'm being honest back then I was way more attracted to boys than girls. So I went back and forth of being straight or bisexual. And my mom didn't like me being bisexual anyway. But now that I'm out out to everyone it feels like just me. But my sexuality isn't keeping a wholesome good person like religion was doing.
I just don't know at this point I can be like "saved". I've done so much wrong. I've had sex (I didn't want to) but it still happened, I smoked pot, I vaped, I've kissed girls, shit man I've even sent nudes. I've fallen so far from the happiness and who I was in 10th grade
And in my opinion being bisexual isn't a bad thing at all even though most religions hate it
Liking and kissing girls isn't bad
But not being apart of religion and stuff like that has made me lose a good chunk of myself
