Letters to a Rockstar

"I WRITE SONGS FOR FUCK SAKES!"

I collected my thoughts as I took a deep breath and began to write the letter.

Dear Chelsea:

Words cannot even begin to express how sorry I am.

I deleted it and sighed. I saved the draft and ran a hand through my shoulder length straight hair. I grabbed the letter and stood up.

I placed it gently into the black envelope with tiny metallic rainbow lions and zebras all over it. I smiled to myself. She had gotten this at the sanctuary where she used to work. I walked back into the living room and grabbed the rest of the letters and hauled them up to my room. I set them down and placed her letter into my dresser drawer.

I was so lost in thought I did not move my hand.

I slammed the door onto my left index finger. Pain shot through my finger and hand. "SON OF A BITCH!" I yelped as I removed it and shut it again.

I heard my doorbell ring and I moaned. I walked out of my room and headed towards the stairs. Shaking my finger as I tried to get the pain to go away. I was able to move it. It just was going to be VERY bruised.

The doorbell got persistent as I sucked on the sore finger. I got to the door lost in thought. I looked through the peephole. "WHY IN THE FUCK IS SHE HERE??" I yelled as I saw my ex Lauren standing there. She wore a mini skirt and a tight fitting top. Her disgusting blonde/blue faded shoulder length hair hung around her plastered face.

I opened the door and she went to walk in. "DON'T you even dare! I thought I made it clear that it was over. You have no right to be up on my front porch! After I found you with another girl! Why in the FUCK are you even here Lauren!?" I snapped as she smiled her sickly smile. She twirled a strand of hair around her fake nails painted pink. I had NO idea what I saw in her. I shut the door and stood outside.

She took that as a sign and stepped towards me. I shoved her away and got a whiff of her stinky body odor and Tommy Girl perfume. I groaned and mentally vomited. She looked amused as she lifted a hand towards my face. I grabbed her hand and yanked it back down with force. She looked shocked by this action. I stepped back to get some fresh air from her nauseating perfume.

"I miss you babe. My girlfriend was just a fling. She left me when I told her I was wanting you back. Come on! Give me another chance. I will make it all worth your while." She said as I smelled her joint scented breath laced with alcohol. I looked over her shoulder and her girlfriend was waiting in the car. I looked back and looked at her with amusement.

"PLEASE ASHLEY!" She yelled with desperation. I took her waist and breathed through my mouth to avoid throwing up on her. Her face looked pleased as I walked her back to her car. I shoved her away and she looked appalled. I opened the door and shoved her inside. I slammed the door. I turned back and marched back up to my house.

I opened the door and closed it.

I went to head upstairs and I heard my doorbell ring. I groaned lost in thought about that letter. I turned around and headed back to answer. I did not even bother looking. I knew who it was. And I opened the door again.

Lauren was in fake crocodile tears and I rolled my eyes. "Your wasting my god damn time! You smell like shit and are dressed like a fucking whore! Stay the hell away before I have a GOD damn restraining order put against your slutty ass!" I barked as she fake-cried harder. I was not buying this bullshit. She was a hooker and she pulled this years ago when we first got together. "Ashley, I promise I have changed. I am straight. Honest to god! My girlfriend and I are no longer together. Please, give me a second chance." She said with a shaky voice.

I pulled out my phone and pulled up my attorney. This girl was relentless and I was not going to stand for her bullshit lies. I held up my phone and showed her who I was about ready to call. She got down on her knees and pleaded. " DON'T DO THIS ASHLEY! I AM BEING HONEST WITH YOU!" She screamed as her girlfriend walked up to her. She picked her up and Lauren was cradled in her arms.

She glared at me and pulled her away. Lauren broke her hold and spun back around. She marched towards me and stopped. "This is your last chance Purdy. It is now or never." She said as she wiped her cheap eyeliner and makeup off. Making her look like Jake with his warpaint on. "GIVE IT UP LAUREN!" I yelled. I slammed the door on my sore finger. "FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!" I yelled as I heard a male voice chuckle over the phone. I had forgotten I had called him. "I am sorry Brad. I was needing a restraining order placed against Lauren Brantley." I said as I sucked on my now throbbing finger.

"I will get that done for you and have it in the mail this week. I will need you to sign it and send it back. I will send both of you a copy and she will be arrested on the spot." He said. "Sounds good. Thanks man." I said as we hung up. I stuck my phone back into my pocket and headed to grab some ice for my finger.

I wrapped it up with a towel and the coldness numbed the throbbing.

I walked back out of the kitchen and headed upstairs, grabbing Killer and carrying him up.

I was halfway up when my doorbell rang once again. I cursed and set my baby down gently as he ran towards the door barking. Tokyo barked as well as I made my way back towards the door. "WHY DID I GET A FUCKING DOORBELL!!!!" I yelled as I opened the door.

CC stood there with a pizza and a six pack of beer. I had forgotten I had made plans with him. I hung my head low as I let him in. I saw Lauren and her girlfriend pulling away. Lauren was still crying as her girlfriend leaned over and kissed her deeply and calmed her down. "Ashley? You okay man!?" He said as I shut the door.

I nodded.

"Be right back man. I need to take care of my finger." I said as I walked back into the kitchen and hung the towel back up. I looked at my finger and it was better. The swelling was down and the bruising was better. I bent it and sighed with relief. Not broken. I walked back into the foyer and CC was playing with my babies. "Give me one more sec. I need to grab something." I said as he nodded as Tokyo barked as he threw a stuffed Octopus. I smiled and headed up to my medicine cabinet. I wrapped it loosely. Just to protect it from any impact.

I walked back down and thought of that letter. I grabbed it and carefully shut the door and walked back downstairs.

CC threw a stuffed brown bear as Killer barked. Tokyo retrieved his toy and brought it back as Killer spotted me and ran up to me. Its toy in its mouth. I bent down and picked up my baby and he held onto its bear.

I walked back down and CC laughed as Tokyo raced back. Killer wiggled and I bent down and he leaped out of my arms. I sat down next to Chris as we played. "Read this and tell me what you think?" I said as he looked at me with a raised eyebrow. I rolled my eyes as he took it.

I threw Killer's now stuffed clownfish and I saw him race after it. Tokyo was laying down chewing on a bone in the middle of us. Killer came back and I threw it again.

"DAMN ASHLEY!" He said as he folded it up and carefully put it back into the envelope. I nodded as Killer laid down and chewed on its toy next to its littermate.

" I WRITE SONGS FOR FUCK SAKES AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY!" I barked with desperation. Tokyo looked at me and chewed on his bone once more. Killer's ears perked up as he chewed on his toy.

"Just speak from your heart man. You can write some incredible songs. You've got this. She needs a friend though Ashley. She is in need of a friend." He said as he handed it back to me.

" I know Chris. I just had never read anything like this before. That's all." I said as I watched my babies fall asleep in the middle of us. I stroked them softly and they sighed in content in their sleep.