Letters to a Rockstar

Happy birthday 🎂

I giggled as I watched Ashton throw his new ball into the air. It came down fast as he raced away in excitement into my arms. I caught him as a bunch of stuffed sea animals came out.

Patrick was curled up with his new Zebra watching Harry Potter and the Sorcerers Stone. His eyes were glittering with excitement as Harry found out he was a wizard.

I felt a head flip on my lap and I looked down. Ashton had passed out in my arms. I smiled as I pulled his hair away from his face. I picked him up and carried him to their room. I gently laid him down and snapped my fingers. His clothes changed into lounge pants and a long sleeved t-shirt.

I pulled the down comforter on top and he snuggled into his blankets and stuffed Shark. I kissed his head gently and glided out. The stars glowed a soothing glow.

I walked to my room. It hit me.

Today was the twins third birthday.

I snapped my fingers. My dress had gotten chocolate syrup on it from sundaes we got on the way home.

I changed into

And glided back out of my room. Patrick saw me and yawned sleepily. He rubbed his eyes and I bent down. He walked to me and I picked him up. "You want mommy to rock you or put you down?" I asked my son.

"Hold me mommy. I miss daddy." He said as tears tickled my eyes. He studied me for a moment and kissed my cheek. I held him close as I picked up his zebra. I waived my arm and the movie stopped as the tv shut off and evaporated away.

I walked around and he snuggled into my arms. Tears fell from his eyes as he cried. He missed Ashley. I just held him as I rubbed his back. He eventually calmed down as I rubbed his back.

"Will daddy ever see us?" He asked as I looked at him. His eyes were struggling to stay open and were a light pink from crying.

"No baby. We don't want daddy to join us. I know you miss him Patrick. Mommy is sorry you had to leave him. We will always have him in our hearts baby okay? Daddy Will always love us. Okay?" I said as he looked at me with my eyes. I saw him not as I smiled softly.

" Lets put you down for a nap? And we can celebrate your birthday when you two wake up. How does that sound? " I asked as he yawned. I laughed as I carried him into their room. Ashton's gentle breathing filled the air. I heard Mozart playing from up above. The stars played that music during the day.

I laid him down and snapped my fingers. Lounge pants and a hoodie were on him. He snuggled under his blankets and I covered him and kissed him and his zebra. He closed his eyes and he was out.

I walked over to one of our memoryscopes and got cozy. I dialed in my old address as the thing got bigger.

I saw Ashley walking out of the door. His attire was all black. Andy and Juliet were waiting at their car. Juliet was wiping tears as they got back into the car. Ashley pulled his sunglasses over his eyes. He looked out the window as Andy drove to the graveyard.

They arrived and the rest were there. My mom was holding a cake as Remington hugged her side. Monica was beside him crying as he held her hand. She was hugging a stuffed dolphin as Sebastian stood beside her.

My mom laid the cake down and removed the cover. Monica bent down holding her dress as she got the candles lit. They stood back up slowly as they began to cry.

Nobody was able to sing as they clung onto each other. Ashley was engulfed in arms as he cried the hardest. He stepped away and bent down and blew out the candles. He laid a single red rose beside each name and cried more. My brothers joined him and held onto him.

"Happy birthday boys." I heard him whisper as he picked up the cake and stood up. Emerson helped him stand and he took the cake. My mom put the cover back on as everyone laid down their flower or small stuffed animal.

Everyone stood there and Juliet began to sing softly happy birthday. Everyone joined in the same shaky tone.

They all took their leave.

Ashley stood there looking at the headstones and closed his eyes. He looked up as a gentle warm rain fell down. He smiled and kissed his hand and put his hand to each of the stones.

"Daddy loves you boys. Happy birthday guys." He said as he walked away.