Letters to a Rockstar

I open my lungs dear

I felt my eyes give way to the heaviness that came upon them. I gave in and curled into Andy's lap. My doctor began my medicine as I shot my eyes open at the burn.

"WHY??" I yelled. Waking the sleepyheads on our bus. She had began giving me my chemo. I cried into Andy's lap as he calmed me down. 

"The best things in life come with a price. The star that burned so bright faded the fastest. You always feel its right. Even when they end the fight. Welcome home tonight. Singing ohhh ohhh ohh. Welcome home tonight. Ohh ohh ohh. Tonight. Words they don't know how to make amends. And all they do is push you to the edge.  Its not wasted. Its all done for you. Its all done for you." He sang softly as I watched him. 

He looked at me as he sang. I looked into his beautiful blue orbs and felt calmer. I looked over towards Ashley and he watched us. He got up and walked towards the doors and walked down the steps and out the doors. My brothers followed behind him as they shut the doors. 

"This is hard on him babe. He hates to see his girlfriend endure this hell. He will be okay." Jennifer said as she pushed the shot into me a bit more as she watched my vitals closely. 

I squeezed onto Andy's hand as it burned like pure acid. I closed my eyes as he sang another one of my favorites.

"I open my lungs dear. I sing this song at funerals. No rush. These lyrics heard a thousand times. Just plush. A baby boy you've held so tightly. The pain, it visits almost nightly. Missing hotel beds, I feel your touch. I will await dear.  A patient of eternity. My crush, a universal still. No rust. No dust will ever grow on this frame. One million years and I will say your name. I love you more then I can ever scream. 

We booked our flight those years ago. I said I loved you as I left you. Regrets still haunt my hollow head. But I promised you I will see you again.  Again.  I sit here and smile dear. Because I think of you and I blush. And those bleeding hollow dials. This fuss. A fuss is made from miles and travels. When roadways are but stone and gravel. A bleeding heart can conquer every crush.

We booked our flight those years ago. You said you loved me as you left me. Regrets still haunt your saddened head. But I promise you I will see you . 

We booked our flight those years ago. I said I love you as I left you. Regrets no longer in my head. But I promised you and now I'm home again. 

Again, again. 

I'm home again. 

Again, again.

I'm home again." 

He sang as I watched him. His soothing, soft voice helped relax me and forget about the chemo. 

I looked over at the bag and it was not even halfway done yet. 

Nausea hit me as Jennifer quickly saw my complexion change. Before she had time to slow it down or give me a nausea shot, I shot up and threw up all over my clothes. My mom came sprinting in and stopped at the sight of the mess. 

Andy carefully stood up and I looked. His lap had vomit on it. He looked at me with disgust as Juliet led him out of the bus. She looked at me and turned her nose up. My mom recovered from her shock as she came over and her and Jennifer carefully helped me get out of the clothes.

"Lets get you a shower so we can clean you off. Don't worry about Andy and Juliet." My mom said as I began to cry. 

***

Later, I was laying there and my doctor came up to my room. She sat down and patted my legs. " I just got off a skype call with your doctor. And they want you back home babe. I tried to talk to them more, but they were firm. I have talked to your mom and brothers. I will fly back home with you as planned. And Monica is on her way there now." She said as I nodded.