Letters to a Rockstar

Work it out!

He never came back to me. I waited around for a few weeks. Until I was tired. I decided to just give up and move on. He was not going to be coming back anytime soon. And why should he?? There is so many beautiful girls that he could have. I'm just a girl who is dying. I am nobody special.
I did move on though and I meant Alex. He is a drummer for a band called Nocturnal. I had ran into him when I went to Target with my mom.
We are just friends. He hangs out with me. I'm glad I have him. I guess their singer quit and they were on hiatus. Until they found a different one.
"Fuck!" I said and my knees gave way. Alex caught me and my pain screamed. It was like someone was burning me with a blow torch. "Let the fuck go." I begged as it got worse. My doctor came and injected me with a strong shot. I immediately vomited all over my clothes. I began sobbing as my mom rushed in and carried me upstairs. Alex stayed behind and looked shook up. "It's okay honey. She just gets pain like that. She's stopped all medicine but we agreed to give it to her when needed. She's going to be fine." My doctor said as she sat down with him.
We got to my room and my mom stripped me of my clothes. She threw them into my sink and soaked them.
"It's okay babe. It's okay. Shhhhhhhh. Shhhhhhhhhh. We will just put you into a different outfit. Let's find your bat overalls. Ahh. Here they are. And here's a shirt to go with them." She said as she changed me.
She held onto me as she rocked me back and forth. I heard a clank and something hit the floor. I looked down and it was some sort of bracelet. I picked it up and dropped it like it was on fire.
"Ohhh. That is what Ashley got for you. Months ago. The day he left. I guess you threw it down again. Shall I put it on you??" She asked as I nodded. She looked shocked as I held out my hand.
I felt the bracelet on my wrist and my heart shattered. I undid the clasp and tossed it across my room. It landed underneath a table.
My mom nodded as I cried. My hair was growing back but my health was going downhill fast. My doctor was forced to put me back on a mild chemotherapy treatment. Cause the disease was draining me too fast.
I had my black hair coming back and it was down to my chin. Thicker then before. I was still miserable. I kept my port in.
My mom showed me a cute matching bat choker and she put it on me. "There! You look adorable. Let's go see Alex." She said as we headed back out of my room and downstairs. Alex was talking to my brothers and looked up at me. He smiled and resumed his talk.
I heard his phone blast and he answered. He stood up and walked out of the house onto the patio. He was on the phone with his girlfriend Mikala. She was studying overseas in Europe for school. And she was flying back today. They were the cutest couple.
I sat down next to Sebastian and he smiled. He tugged at my necklace and smirked. "You look cute. Have you heard from Ashley here lately?" He asked as Alex came back and sat down. "I gotta go guys. Mikala's flight is landing and I need to pick her up. Chelsea, you will be okay. I promise. Hang in there sweetie." He said as he hugged me bye. I hugged him gently and released.
"No. I have not heard back from that idiot in a while. Why?" I asked as I came back and sat down. He looked at me and frowned. "Andy texted me a bit ago. Ashley threatened to leave the band. He had dipped into a deep depression. He has had no sleep and collapsed on the stage due to exhaustion. " He said as my jaw hit the floor.
I shook my head and looked away in shock. I collected my thoughts and shrugged. "He should not have done this. This is his doing. I am not going to feel sorry for the bastard." I said as he looked at me with shock. "He did this cause of breaking up with you. Andy said he was also drinking heavy along with no sleep. Come to your senses. I know you hate the guy but Jesus Chelsea. The guy is crying out for help. And for some sort of forgiveness here. Come on!" He said as I looked back.
"He broke up with me. Cause of his selfishness. He did this cause of dealing with his own pain he created. Why should I even feel bad for the guy?? He has hurt me bad this time. And I am supposed to fly halfway across the fucking country to see him?? When I am too sick to fly anywhere?? He should get his shit together. And figure out what the hell his deal is. As far as I know he is done with me." I said. He looked at me and sighed a big sigh.
"Sis, he is asking for you." He said as my blood ran cold. Ice cubes dropped to my stomach and I shook my head. " Too damn bad. He did this on his own Sebastian. If he had not broke us up in the first place. He would not be in the damn hospital. I can't fly. I am too sick." I said as I stood up and grabbed onto him for balance. He stood up and gave me my chair as I began to collapse. He sat me down and I was able to move. "See?" I said as I wheeled myself away. I opened the door and Molly came trotting out with me. I slammed the door after she came out.
"Dipshit did this to himself. I am not going to go see him girl. I can't handle that kind of travel anymore. He did this all himself. I am not going to feel sorry for him. This is the price he pays for fucking us up." I said as she laid down next to me and listened.
I watched the people walking by and I waived at a few once in a while. My hair blew in my face and I pushed it away. I looked down at my hand and sighed. Less then five seconds later out comes my doctor with my ivs. She sighed a deep sigh and shook her head.
" Chelsea, your going to be the death of me you know that." She said as I felt the burn of the chemo run into my hand and down my bloodstream.
It burned like a bitch. But it was not as bad as it had been in the past. Since they were weaker. She sat down with me and watched my vitals and typed down some info.
"Do you hate being here with me Jen?" I asked my doctor who had chosen to fly here to be with me. She looked up and shook her head. "No Chelsea. I would not have it any other way. You are precious to me and I would have flown out here anyways. I want to make sure you are well taken care of. Being able to have this kind of medicine and equipment is awesome. Your spirit has been better since we moved here. And got you on the stuff from the clinic." She said as she looked back down at her work and typed away.
She closed her laptop and put it aside. She propped her feet up and smiled and laughed lightly. " I also got to meet some incredible bands and stay with the most amazing family." She said as we smiled.

After a while we heard Sammi drive back up the driveway. She had went to Target and to get gas. Her hair was in a sloppy bun as Remington came out and helped her unload the stuff. Juliet had left us at the end of last month. And Sammi arrived a few days ago. She was staying here until the boys were done. She was aware of Ashley and where he was. She also knew he fucked this up himself. And he needed to get his head screwed on straight.
She came back out after putting the stuff away. She had something hidden behind her back. "Close your eyes babe." She said as I did what I was told. I felt something soft get put on my lap.
I opened my eyes and saw a stuffed owl. She smiled as I hugged it to my chest. "It's just cause I love you. I also got something for you Dr." She said holding out a plastic bag. She opened it and laughed. She pulled out a huge bag of Reese Pieces. "Thanks doll." She said as she sat it beside her.
"Jinxx said that Ashley is in the hospital due to exhaustion and will be in there for a week. He said he keeps asking for you. But we relayed the message that your just too sick for travel." She said as we watched the tourists stop and take pictures of the house.
I saw a familiar face walk up to the house and I smiled widely. "Chelsea! Girl! You look skinny my dear!" My friend Zoey said as she came racing up to the house. "How did you find us??" I asked as she knocked. Sammi let her in and Zoey went straight to me. She hugged me gently and let go. She ran a hand through my short hair and wiped some tears. "I came here to the museums and I saw you out here." She said as she was shown to a seat beside me. My doctor finished the treatment and left me with my usual medicine.
Sammi walked inside and went to help with dinner. "Where's lover boy?" She asked as I shook my head. I told her what had happened and she shook her head. "Yeah! That is just selfish. He should stay there and think about what he did. If he loves you he will clean up his act." She said as I nodded.
We sat in a comfortable silence for a while. "Do you love him?" She asked as I looked away from the rock hall. "I did." I said and looked back over.
"He must fix himself before he can fix you two." She said as I nodded. She had always been one for advice. "Listen babe, I can't stay. I have Jack waiting for me outside. I'll keep in touch. You stay strong! I love you!" She said and hugged me softly bye.
I watched her walk away. Her long, bright green and black braids danced in the sun. She walked back up to her husband and they held hands as they waived at me and walked away.
I looked down at my necklace. I had a white gold delicate chain with a black diamond BVB Pentagram on it. It was the size of a button. Juliet had given it to me from the band.
It sparkled in the late day sunshine and I felt tears prick my eyes.
I want him to get help. I want him back.