Letters to a Rockstar

Confessions in the dark

I got back home and I was on cloud nine. I had the most gorgeous diamond on my hand. And it came from my best friend. He wanted to continue the celebrations but I was exhausted. I had a big day that day and I wanted to head to bed. 

He was not in any way let down. I did let him help me get changed and that was enough to lead to a small make out session. He grabbed my pajamas and helped me get changed. I was feeling no pain but I was tired. 

"Cuddles?" I asked in a baby tone as he shook his head and smiled. He took off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt and untucked it. He laid down with me and I curled into his body. His arms pulling the blankets around us as we laid there in the calm darkness. 

"I want us to do something. Right now." I said as I laid there. He looked down at me in the dim glow of the salt lamp in my room. He moved over closer to me and moved to be on top. I looked at him with alarm and laughed. "What are you dong my love??" I said as he stopped in mid-kiss. He looked absolutely lost as I shook my head. 

"Not that babe. Not right now at least." I said laughing as he humphed and laid back down. We got back into our cuddles and I laughed again. "Purdy! What am I going to do with you baby?" I said as he shrugged his shoulders. "I know something you can do to me." He said with seduction. "Noooo. Did you do a shot of Mojo or something? Cause you are wound up like a fucking top right now." I said as I laughed again. 

I settled back down and laid there. We were once again in the calm silence and the only sound came from his heartbeat and the traffic from outside. I could hear the lake and a boat would go across the water. The lake rushed upon the shore as the sleepy city wound down for the night. Ashley stroked my hair softly as my eyes threatened to close on me. Blinding my vision from the night-time stillness. 

"I want to remember this moment. Laying with you. Listening to your heartbeat beating calmly and lulling me into a slumber. Feeling your love around me as we listen to the sounds. Watching the night tick on in my room. This moment right here I want to hold onto for the rest of my life. Being with you right now feels like the best thing in the world. I count my blessings when I get to spend this time with you." I said as he listened to me. He pulled me closer to him and pulled my head up to face him. He leaned in and kissed me softly and slowly. Our mouths were syncing as electricity zoomed back and forth between us. We broke it to breathe and I smiled. 

"Can I ask you something Chelsea? And be honest. Why are you not afraid to die??" He asked. I took a deep breath(Author's note: My heart leaped to my stomach as I wrote that sentence. ). I knew he would be asking me this eventually when the time was drawing near. " I am not afraid cause I visited there when I had my stroke. I saw what my heaven is going to look like. It is nothing like I had ever imagined it to be. I felt scared though. Cause it was not my time. I did see what was going on down on the earth. My doctor trying to bring me back to life." I said as he stayed silent for a while. 

"I cannot live forever baby. My body is slowly letting go. And I am okay with that. You have given me the best life I could ever ask for. The hardships were just lessons we had to learn. Love was always there Ashley. I never once ever stopped loving you. Your calmness and ease and peacefulness is what I will be missing. Love will always be around you. Even after I am gone. I will forever and ever love you Ashley." I said as he listened. 

He cleared his throat and swallowed. I could tell he was trying not to cry. "Its not fair baby. I found my other half, my best friend, my soulmate. And she is going to get taken away from me. Life should allow you to grow old together Chelsea. Not to watch their loved one die before their eyes." He said in a thick, soft voice. I looked up at him and he was crying. I wiped his tears as he cried. My heart broke to hear this.