Letters to a Rockstar

A perfect circle of pain

I turned away from the memoryscope and sighed a deep sigh. That memory was one that I had hoped to forget.

Dahvie had asked me to forgive him and take him back. I recall I told him to go to hell. He got the picture and left after that. I saw him one last time. To plead for me to come back. That would be months later. I saw later on at my service, he showed up to pay his respects and my husband grinded his teeth. It killed him to no end to not beat the shit out of him.

I glided back towards the market place and walked around. I stopped and got a cotton candy and walked around nibbling on it. My heaven had turned out to be just as I had imagined it to be. Except I missed my family so badly.

Ashley was the best father and he was doing a good job. He never ever remarried or dated anyone after my death. His bandmates would come over and help him here and there. But, once things went downhill with the band, he called it quits. He left shortly after I died due to depression from losing me. The band was hurt to see him go, but he was doing it for the best.

I had heard a bit of his first single Nowhere when he was writing it in his downtime. It was so beautiful. He was working on the chords at the time. And after I died, he wrote the words and I could tell it was about losing me. He was hurting very badly and I could not breathe the first time I heard it. Pain shot through my soul and I was crying.

My boys were becoming such well behaved boys. I knew Ashley would make a good father when I was pregnant. He was beside himself and decorated the nursery. Their names were the hardest to pick. We were bickering and would carry on and on for hours. When we finally settled on names, I was satisfied. He was as well. It took us up until my due date to decide.

I strolled towards my cloud and reclined back. I munched on my snack and snapped my fingers. I saw a glass of ice cold water appear beside me. I took a sip and laid my candy in mid-air. I pushed it to the side and it sat there in midair.

"Chelsea?" I heard my friend Amy say. I looked over and she was gliding towards me. I smiled a small smile and patted my cloud.

Amy was here cause she had died in a car wreck. She was only a year older then me. We became close when we were in high school. And she and I reunited when I arrived here. She died a month after my wedding. And I was heartbroken.

She has short, chin length black and green hair, green eyes, and is short like me. She dressed in white like me.

"Whats up?" I asked as she sat down beside me. She smiled and I knew what was up. "No. Forget it Amy. I told you a zillion times I am not going out on a date with him." I said as she began to explain to me why I should give him a chance. She had been trying to get me set up with Jim Morrison of The Doors for weeks. His girlfriend Pam had been sent to the underworld. She was stealing from people and Zeus did not give her a chance to explain. He sent her straight there and she has been there since.

"He has been asking for you for a month now. COME ON!" She said as I looked at her. I sighed a big sigh. We suddenly heard a Tibetan singing bowl ring out. A newcomer had arrived. I braced myself and held my breath as I saw a gold file arrive by Harold. Amy looked and we both looked at each other. I opened it and my world came crashing down.

My heart broke into a million pieces when I saw the newcomer.

Or should I say newcomers.

I shook my head and crumpled it up into a ball. I threw it away and it disappeared. I held my head and screamed at the top of my lungs.

My worst nightmare had came true.

Amy grabbed me and held onto me as I screamed and cried into her shoulder.

She cried too as the pain slowly subsided. I wiped my face as she took a deep, shaky sigh.

"Mommy??" I heard a voice say. My head shot up and I saw my twin boys who were now two years old come towards me.

I ran to them and grabbed them into my arms. They both hugged me back and cried. I looked into their eyes and they were scared to death.

They had died from getting hit by a truck. They were crossing the street with a friend of ours mother. And a truck ran a stop-light and hit them head on. The mother survived.

Ashton looked around as I held them both in my arms. Their father was from what I read was staying with Andy and Juliet and they had to sedate him to keep him calm. He was close to suicide when he was found. He had overdosed on pills and was unconscious. Andy busted the door down and raced to get him.

They raced him to the hospital where they pumped his stomach out. And sent him home on Adivan. A high dosage since he was in such shock.

I walked with them back to where I was with Amy.

Patrick laid his head on my shoulder and stroked my hair. Ashton was half asleep from all of the adrenaline and the shock.

I shook my head and tried my best to not drop them and break down all over again. I prayed that my husband would not join us.

We got there and laid Ashton down on a pile of clouds and he curled up and fell asleep. I snapped my fingers and a warm, no-sew blanket appeared. It had sea turtles on it. He loved this blanket. Patrick fussed and I sat him down. He curled up next to his brother and fell asleep. I snapped my fingers and a worn, patchwork quilt appeared.

I sat down and waved my arms and created a nursery for them. Diamond stars twinkled and music played softly.

I sighed a deep sigh as Amy side-hugged me and kissed my temple and let me be. "If you need me just send a message." She said as she wiped tears and glided away.

I studied my babies and I could not believe what I was seeing. I had missed them very dearly but I was not asking to have them get taken away from Ashley.

They were here though. Sleeping in front of me. They had on matching overalls and tie-dyed t-shirts. Ashton's hair was pitch black like Ashley's. The length was chin length and layered like his father's. I stroked it softly.

Patrick's hair was also pitch black and Ashley kept his the same length. I smiled sadly as my heart broke and tears fell from my eyes. Patrick stirred and saw me crying. He reached for me and I picked him up.

"Mommy, don't cry." He said in his sweet voice. I hugged him as he hugged me like a Koala. I rocked him back and forth as tears fell.

"Mommy's just sad for daddy. That's all baby. Mommy will be okay." I whispered as Patrick played with my hair.

I was praying that my husband was going to pull through this okay?