Incomplete

Chapter 51, Alexander

Crap. This wasn't supposed to happen.

I'm literally crying like a little child as I slam our front door shut. My vision has become blurry of all the tears running down my face. I'm still able to catch sight of Lacey's red volvo which again reminds me of her perfect, curly, adorable red hair. Fuck. My head starts to ache.

As I'm about to pass the car, I see that Georgi's inside it. She stares at me utterly confused. That means Max is hopefully available. I bite my lip and increase my walking pace.

When I reach Max's front door I begin to pound on it like my life depended on it. Max's dad unlocks it and has nearly the same face on as Gerogi when he sees the creature in front of him.

"Mr. Thompson," I say and shove him away. His mouth forms a 'o' in disbelief because my manners are clearly atrocious. I totally couldn't care less what he thinks of me right now.

I sprint upstairs to Max's bedroom. He better be here or I'm going to flip, and trust me, that wouldn't be a beautiful view. It's really easy to find the way when our houses are nearly identical. Max has the room that is Jonathan's in our's.

The door flies open as I push it. Max jumps up from his desk, startled. He looks like he has seen a ghost. Well now that I think of it, a ghost probably isn't too far away from how I look right now.

"What the fuck happened to you!?" Max asks and rushes next to me.

I collapse in his arms, crying. His eyes widen even wider than I thought was possible. He carefully places me to lean against his bed. I kneel my legs against my chest and hug them tight, burying my face in between my knees.

"It's okay. Everything's going to be okay," Max assures and pats me on the back even though he has no idea why I'm having a breakdown in the middle of his room. He settles beside me and scans me concerned.

I continue to sob and welcome all the tears forming in my lucid eyes. I let every emotion leave me. A hiccup also escapes from my mouth. I try to breathe deeply but it feels like the air doesn't travel all the way to my lungs. My heart physically aches.

Max patiently sits next to me. I haven't acted like this in his presence since Amy died. I grimace by the thought. Now it's not the time to bring it to the mix of my feelings.

"You're scaring me," Max finally states when my breathing has even out a bit.

"Everything's so fucked up," I announce and meet his eyes. "Everything's so fucked up!" I cry out, repeating myself, and shake my head.

"You wanna tell me what happened?" Max wonders and I sigh.

"Life's so unfair."

"Is..." Max trails off and studies my face for a moment. "Is this about, um, Amy?"

My head snaps up. "No! Well that's also so fucking shitty. Fuck!".

"Okay, then what is it?" Max puts his hand on my left shoulder in comfort.

"My mom came home yesterday," I let out.

"That little bitch," Max mutters angrily. I nod and tell him about the whole event, how she just marched into the house, our conversation, me barshing out and driving to Lacey. Max listen with his lips pressed into a thin line.

"Lacey and I hooked up." I can feel my entire body tingle just by saying the words out loud.

"That's at least something positive, right?" Max gives me a tiny smile and I want to start crying hysterically all over again.

"It was the best time I've ever had," I tell him. "It just felt so... right? Like I belonged there with her in my arms, you know?"

"That's called love." I shake my head at his response.

"But it sucks. I can never be what she needs. I don't deserve her and that's exactly what I told her."

"You did not!" Max looks at me like I'm an idiot.

"I had to! What was I supposed to do? Lead her on and then break her heart or wait until she realizes I'm not good enough?" I ask him and he face palms.

"You know, sometimes I really wonder if you use your brain at all."

My lips start to tremble and I bury my face in my knees again. I begin to sob. My heart is definitely broken.

"Alex, you can't know what's gonna happen if you don't give it a chance," Max utters. "I mean, look at you. You're miserable. It can't end worse than this."

"It would be selfish of me to be in a relationship were I constantly hurt the other," I mumble.

"And you aren't selfish? You are Alex fucking Gray! You're known for your selfishness! So be fucking selfish, be with her."

"Exactly why I shouldn't be with her."

"You're impossible." Max sighs and rests his head against the bed.

Max has solid points but I know what's best. I'm not going to take away the possibility for Lacey to end up with someone like Liam. Well if Liam wasn't gay that is, but that's completely beside the point.

I've hurt her too much already. Seeing her earlier today was painful. She seemed so lost and I just wanted to walk up to her and hug her. But I know that I'm no good for her. Just look at me! Here I'm crying again over my life and how unfair it is. Nobody wants to deal with a broken teenage boy.

Max rubs his eyes with his fingers, pondering on what to do with me.

"Fine!" He throws his hands in the air at last. I lift my head to look at him. "You have obviously made up your mind and I can't do anything to change your decision. Just know that I think you're making the biggest mistake of your life."

***

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