Dusk And Dawn ✔️

Part 5 :- To 'Have' and To 'Hold'

Past 

"Don't stop. Keep doing what you are doing. It feels nice."

YiJun buries his face in Xian's neck and breathes him in, before bringing their lips together just like Xian had moments before. It's just a touch of lips and nothing more. He breaks the kiss in less than a second, "Xian, I love you. I want to be with you always."

"Mine," Xian says once again. There is no fear or hesitation in his voice. With force more than he has ever displayed, Xian pushes YiJun into the bed. He intertwines their fingers and settles on top of him. 

It's not something new; they have done this a million times. But then, at those times, their hearts were pure. Now things had changed; things had become more complicated. Now, their feelings were guiding their actions.

For Xian, the feeling is new, alien. He is young. YiJun, however, is older and has been feeling this way for almost a year. It was this feeling that had made him distance himself from Xian.

It was the night YiJun had turned fourteen. The boys had played around the whole day. As the day had come to an end, Xian had fallen asleep next to YiJun. No one had given it any thought. After all, it was common knowledge that the two boys were close, and Xian spending the night in the prince's chamber was a common thing. Initially, both of them had fallen asleep, but YiJun had woken up in the middle of the night and felt restless. He had looked at Xian next to him and held him in his arms. It was what YiJun always did, since the queen's passing, sometimes YiJun had had bad nights; he had felt scared and alone. During those times, he had held the younger boy and had instantly felt safe and calm. But on this particular night, as YiJun had held Xian in his arms, the feeling of restlessness had only intensified. His eyes had fallen on Xian's sleeping angelic face, and his heart had felt awkward. And without thinking, he had leaned in and kissed his friend's lips.

YiJun had instantly known that what he had done was neither moral nor ethical. He had immediately distanced himself from the sleeping boy. The thought that he may hurt the younger boy with his actions had scared the young prince. So after giving this situation a lot of thought, he had concluded that he would remove himself from Xian's life; and he had done just that. But the more he had distanced himself, the worse he had felt. The feeling of remorse and discontent had increased to such an extent that he had lost his desire to live; this was also why YiJun had started putting himself in dangerous situations. 

But now, things had changed again. Now the prince knew that Xian too wanted him the same way.

YiJun's breaths become heavy, and blood starts pooling below his stomach. He pulls Xian close and takes his lips between his own. The kiss is slow, but it's longer, more intimate. It's not just a touch of lips anymore. 

Xian lifts his head and starts kissing YiJun's neck. He removes the sash holding YiJun's garments in place and starts kissing his shoulders and chest.

'He is too young. He doesn't know any better.' YiJun's mind supplies. "Xian, stop." YiJun requests. 

Xian stops and looks at YiJun's flushed face, "Why Jun, don't you like it? I like it. I like kissing you."

YiJun sits up and once again pulls Xian in his arms, "Xian, you are too young. I want your kisses too, but I don't think Aunty Xi Xi would approve."

Hurting Xi Xi by taking advantage of Xian's innocence was another thing that had made YiJun distance himself from Xian a year ago. He knew how much his mother and Xi Xi loved and respected each other, and he couldn't bring himself to hurt her in any way.

Xian frowns, "Mother loves you. She will let me kiss you."

YiJun smiles, 'He is indeed too young and naive.'