Book Smart

Thirty One

I can hear a flustered Adrian settle his palms against the closed door, a flurry of soft taps mixed with quiet and panicked No's leaking from him... It's so adorable that it causes a chuckle to leak from my chest as I follow suit in evacuating my bladder. I hadn't thought I needed to pee until I stood up for a stretch, but having my sweetheart all alone to go use one of the other restrooms is absolutely out of the question.

"S-Si-Silas No! Please?" His light taps land a little heavier on the door in his adorable yet unexplainable panic, "Silas!"

The moment he hears the toilet flush the door creeps open and his head pops through slowly followed by his body as he slips in, his body language trying to make him as small as possible as he turns away from me and leans into the door with his hands hiding his delicate face as it burns with the hardest flush I've seen on him yet, the color leaking down and branding his chest and shoulders a vibrant red that could almost pass as a sunburn.

He doesn't move a muscle as I wash my hands, maybe letting myself take a bit longer than necessary to study him in the mirror to make sure he's at least breathing as his need to be near me battles with his anxiety.

...
Adrian
....

The water faucet squeaks this time when it's twisted off, but Silas's steps are silent when he closes the space between us. He crowds me until I'm shuffled into the safety of his arms, turned until I'm tucked against his chest and his hands are rubbing a path up and down my spine...but just for a moment. Before I know it one of his arms is hooked under my knees and I'm lifted. It takes me by surprise but I still can't manage to pull my face out of my hands to look at him... I just try and focus on him. On being in his arms. He makes it easy withholding me this way, surrounding me with only himself...

It's completely irrational to be upset over not being allowed to stay with him while he used the restroom when I had specifically told him he couldn't do the same for me... But the moment the door was between us my wolf had clawed his way to the surface trying to make sense of Silas's sudden modesty... The sense of abandonment and rejection crashing into me...And yet my inner monologue keeps circling back to the fact that he shut me out. He closed the door... My wolf cannot comprehend the fact that he had been the one to put a physical barrier between us even if it was only the bathroom door so he could have some privacy while relieving himself.

I don't know how to feel with my wolf still choking me out with the instinctual overdrive to be near him...upset over being shuffled away from him... From having the door shut on me even if it wasn't in a bad way. Part of me feels like I did something wrong... Maybe he'd been trying to give me a taste of my own medicine.

...
Silas
...

My sweet boy lays completely limp in my arms, his hands still shielding his face from my curious eyes, still unable to understand his reaction to my playfulness.

A quiet whimper sounds when I gently lay him down on the bed, and he scoots away from me to put some space between us. I put an end to it by climbing into bed with him and letting my hand settle in his hair, stroking it patiently until he's calm enough to come out from behind his hands and actually talk to me.

It takes a while...but eventually his ragged breathing becomes slow and even... His hands slowly drifting away from his face to reveal a blotchy complexion stained by tears that had been completely silent when they had fallen.

"Baby boy... What happened?" I croon, continuing to stroke his hair since it seems to help him balance out. When he starts to follow my hand every time it pulls away to repeat the pattern I know that it's the right decision.

I don't get an answer... My baby just sucks his bottom lip in between his teeth to chew on it, his eyes twitching before slowly scrolling open to reveal a blue two shades deeper and darker than before...his wolf looking back at me.

"Are you okay?"

A shake of his head but still no verbal answer and it dawns on me, "Anxiety?"

....
Adrian
....

Silas moves his hand from my hair to cup the side of my face ever so tenderly before standing again. Pulling the comforter up around my shoulders, tucking me in as if I'm a fragile piece of glass, pressing a kiss to my forehead before he pulls away, hesitating at the edge of the bed before sinking down next to me again, closer than before this time... his strong sweatpant clad thigh pressing gently against my shoulder.

"Your wolf takes over during your anxiety attacks? To try and help you?" Silas keeps his voice low and even and it helps encourage the sense of calm his scent keeps forcing down my throat with every inhale.

Was this a panic attack?

With my heart still thundering away, threatening to pound right out my chest and my inability to force anything other than whimpers and whines from the back of my throat, I would say yes... But I can't understand why it's so mild or why it had really been triggered...surely not just because Silas decided to go pee without inviting me in to stare at him like a pervert?

"Sweetheart?"

I nod to him, still tongue tired by my loss of control, my wolf still very much in control and being as submissive as possible. We wouldn't be squirming or wiggling or causing a fuss... We would be good. My other half certainly hasn't forgotten the feel of being put into our place this morning even though it already feels like it happened a lifetime ago... And my Gods, if the craving to have it happen again isn't tightening my throat and making it that much harder to breathe properly.

Just the deep internal need to have it confirmed once again where I belong and who's in charge... That I'm safe.

....
Silas
....

"What can I do, Sweet Boy?" I don't expect a verbal answer now that I know my Sweetheart isn't in control at the moment, so it's more of a sigh than a real question unlike what rolls off my lips next, "Do you need some medicine?"

As much as I would rather calm his body a different way, right now isn't about me. It's about my sweet Adrian and how best to care for him... If he needs a Xanax tonight he needs one, even if it grinds my gears not knowing exactly why.

I don't get any kind of response this time, he just continues staring at the place he's picked on the wall just above the fireplace with the startlingly bright navy eyes of his wolf as his other side overshadows him.

I have to detangle my fingers from his raven tumbles and let my hand cup his delicate cheek, guiding him until he's at least looking in my direction, "Do you want a pill?"

A slow shake of his head leaves me feeling more confused than ever and completely listless on how best to help him other than just being here...And that confusion triples when his slender fingers do their best to carefully pry my hand away from his cheek, sliding it down to his throat and keeping it there... Pushing against my fingers as if asking me to squeeze.

Once he's sure I understand that this is where he wants me he lets his hands fall away before tipping his head back and pushing his sweet belly into the air with a whimper...