Book Smart

Eighty Seven

My inkling had been right and now my face is the brightest of reds as we stand in the family planning section of Walmart, just barely shielded from curious onlookers and the pack members that I can scent as fellow Ashwoods, many of which try not to smile as they stroll past us with their carts.

"Princess."

I don't think I've ever moved my hand so fast as when it snaps up to cover his mouth when the nickname I thought would stay at home slips past his lips. It successfully gets my attention but also makes my already racing heart beat faster.

It only succeeds in getting my fingers affectionately nipped before they get peeled away from his lips that kiss the back of my hand before lowering it back down to my side with a silent 'I'm sorry' pushed into my mind before he begins again, "Baby... I need to know what you want to do."

"Couldn't we have talked about this in the car?" The words are the first thing to tumble out of my lips because... Come on!  He can not think that this is the right place and the right time to talk about whether or not we should use protection... And exactly why is he suddenly worried about it now when he hadn't been before?

"We're already here and this is the one thing I can't ask Liam to pick up for us." My mate doesn't seem to understand exactly how to whisper... As if he hadn't shown himself to be perfectly capable of whispering when his head was nestled in the crook of my neck or in-between his thighs... Where had that skill disappeared to? Why does it seem like he's shouting when he hissed, "Do you want to use condoms or not?"

I don't give myself time to really think about it and just go with my first gut reaction of, "No! Now can we leave?"  Just to get things to move a little faster.

The answer makes us both pause, a smile spreading on what I can see of Silas's face before I avert my eyes and turn away from him to confirm with myself that what I just said is in fact, the truth.

And honestly?

It is. 

I think that if he hadn't thought to really bring it up to try and discuss it, even if it is in an inappropriate public setting, I wouldn't have given a second thought to whether or not we should be using condoms... Or even if a surprise baby would be something I would want... Something I could trust myself not to mess up somehow...

When I was younger, a teenager in love with the idea of love but not entirely sure what it meant children were the one thing I never let myself fantasize about... Because... Because what if they ended up like me?

An omega...

Me being a runt sent my father rushing out the front door to his death and my mother ran out right after him with no hesitation... Now that I've found my own mate I can understand why she followed him to try and convince him to calm down... But I know unlike my father, Silas won't ever leave me when I ask him not to... And deep down inside I know he would never run from our children if they end up being runts... He would love them and be happy about it just like he loves me.

I trust him to not run.

I am actively trusting him to care for me and our family and stay.

My thought process makes me start to hyperventilate just a little, my throat slowly starting to feel like it's closing as I wrap my arms as tightly as I can around myself to try and stop the shaking that comes when anxiety takes hold.

The anxiety that only gets one foot through the door before an achingly familiar set of strong arms wrap themselves around my waist and pull me close, spinning me until I'm nestled in the chest that smells and feels like home... Like happiness...

"I'll never do that to you, Baby. I'm not going anywhere."

...
Silas
...

My words are whispered but convey just how much I care. He hadn't given me the full story earlier but catching the snippets of memories that dance through his mind as he digests his newfound truth... Our newfound truth... I can piece together what really happened on his fourth birthday and it sheds new light on another reason for some of his insecurities... Some of his neediness too. His father had wanted to reject him for being born an omega instead of cherishing my sweet baby for being exactly what he is... Sensitive... Caring... Intelligent... He's absolutely wonderful and not to speak ill of the dead but his father sounds like a moron.

"Promise?" The watery question leaks it's way up to my ears as I ignore the curious onlookers who are trying their best to pretend like they're only combing through the shampoo even though they can't seem to actually pay attention to and of the bottles right in front of their faces.

"Of course I promise."  I can absolutely guarantee that I will never walk away from Adrian, or our children. The only thing that could part us is death and I don't plan on dying anytime soon... Unless Liam finally snaps and decides to take me out for using him as a grocery delivery service. Maybe not even then, "I didn't mean to make you anxious, Baby..."  I rub my Princess's back and hope that with time some of his shyness fades if only so it doesn't keep sending him into panic attacks. Not that I would ever not be around to soothe him... That I wouldn't be right next to him ready to hold him and rub his back every time his mind spirals out of his own control. I'll always be here to say things like, "Why don't we go look at the yarn instead? I bet they have pink." To make him smile again.