Vents Hidden in Verse

i had a dream

A/N: been a while. i wasn't planning on writing any time soon and then last night my brain was like, "OKAY TIME TO DREAM ABOUT HIM-"

b r u h. i didn't need that, the past two days of quarantine have legitimately been the best. i blocked out any thought of him, and i was able to do it easily... and now, this! huzzah, time to vent.

this is basically a story in my typical poetry format. might not be as symbolic, but still helps me get my feelings out. most, if not, all of my poems are just Vents Hidden in Verse™️.

edit: i changed the title of the book to Vents Hidden in Verse lol.

written March 23rd, 2020 @7:10 A.M.

—————————————————————

the past few days
have been the best
because any thoughts of you
were stopped at the entrance of my brain.

if that had held true,
this writing piece wouldn't exist.

last night,
something slipped through the cracks
and found its way
into my nocturnal imagines.

i had a dream.
a dream i wish i hadn't.

it seems that my brain
couldn't help but think about you
after suppressing memories
for far too long.

walking back to class,
hand in hand.
students had just performed
a production of The Little Mermaid
for everyone to see.

i couldn't help but wonder why you were
still showing me romantic affection
after crushing my heart
and my hopes of you being the right one.

i think you were conflicted
about your feelings towards me.
i think you partially wanted me back.

that greatly comforted me,
knowing the dream version of you
still grasped onto the thoughts of us.

we stopped
outside the locker room's back entrance.
you pulled me close,
started talking about us,
everything that i meant to you.

you let something slip,
something about our friendship,
something that rubbed me the wrong way.

shockingly, i gained the strength
to stand up and call you out.

what baffles me
is that if you came back to me in real life,
i fear that i would not have the strength
to deny your advances.

i walked back to class,
while you slowly trailed behind me.
your class was next to mine.

i climbed up the stairs, to the door.
i rested my hand on the doorknob
then turned to gaze down at you.

the look on your face,
though fabricated by my mind,
will be engraved within me
until i see you again.

"friends?" i asked,
shooting finger guns your way.

and then?
you walked away,
leaving my questioned unanswered.

that open end,
the closure and shutdown
that i did not receive from you,
made me so incredibly confused.

it represents the real life situation
almost perfectly,
though i do not believe
that you'd show me affection again
in real life.

no matter what, a stage of a breakup
consists of longing
for some sort of closure.

we as humans,
most of the time,
cling to remnants of the broken past...
of broken hearts...
hoping that a glue, strong enough,
exists to mend it.

majority of times,
there's no glue.
there's no "try-agains,"

it's usually "just friends"
or "no-mends."

i will not cave in,
letting my mind get wrapped around you,
praying for a second chance.

if you wish for me,
you may come seek me.
otherwise, i refuse
to let you inhabit my mind.

alright, mental guards!
hear my decree!

do your jobs more thoroughly.
take the memory and the dream
into custody,
charge both with the death sentence,
let us hear no more from them.

guards, we try to keep Nattasha
as mentally stable and healthy as possible.
thoughts of someone who we know
may never return
will provide detrimental results.