I feel blood oozing and I am very tempted to clench my fist to speed the whole thing up but the pain is just too much. It is intensifying with every sec but i can withstand it, it is nothing i haven't been through before.
I am still the girl who got jabbed with a knife twice, two decades ago and still the same person that got shot three years ago.
I endured the pain and i can go through it for the very last time.
Yes, one last time.
I am fucking tired of staying in a world where everything goes wrong for me, nothing works out, nothing's ever right.
Pain left, right and center. Affliction everywhere.
How can one's life be so fucking torturous for twenty consecutive years?
Was i cursed at conception?
This world is so cruel. I can actually count the few times that i have been genuinely happy in the last seven thousand and two hundred days.
I wouldn't have to get to my toes just to count how many times.
_It's gonna end. The pain, the suffering, the agony. I just can't take it anymore._
There is only too much a person can take and i am afraid i reached my limits.
I groan in frustrations when someone pushes the door open and I presume that's Jake.
He is just so annoying. Can't he just vanish for at least twenty minutes?
The cops saved my ass twenty years ago...Richard miraculously changed his mind about having me killed three years ago but i won't let anyone mess it for me this round.
Not a single soul.
I really don't want to see tomorrow and the days that follows. I hopelessly want to die and I will be so broken if my plan backfires.
I wish the cops didn’t rescue me twenty years ago, they would have saved me all the pain I have been through. Come to think of it, I would be dancing with the angels right now. I’d have reunited with every person that I have lost.
Yes I believe in the afterlife. It doesn’t really end when they lay you six feet deep, right?
Just the thought of being with them makes me want to slice every vein in me open.
Good thing he won't see the water turning red under the bubbles, all i have to do is keep my calm and act normal as I waste away.
A bubble bath was such a brilliant idea.
_Way to go, Belle._
I mentally high five myself, toasting to a job well done.
"You forgot something?" I ask without opening my eyes. I’d rather he just walk away without turning back.
"Are you okay?" That's definitely not Jake's voice.
_Keith?_
I open my eyes slowly and Keith is standing at the door post looking at me perceptively hands in his pockets.
"You didn't knock." I point out the obvious, totally ignoring what he just asked.
"I am just checking on you."
_I really don't need someone checking out on me._
Not right now.
"That doesn't give you the right to just stride in. You'd have found me naked."
"I have seen lots of naked girls before, Belle." I say a silent prayer for him not to notice the scalpel that's on the bath tub when he starts scrutinizing the place.
