“You will get through this, Belle. You’re the strongest girl I know.” I take a sharp breath before stepping back but he doesn’t let me instead he girdles in his arms and when I look up at him, his eyes are intensely on me.
Not in the usual impassive manner. Like he is indirectly telling me ‘I got you, Belle’ or ‘we will get through this’.
“The strong girl you knew died three years ago and this girl standing in front of you right now,” I gesture to myself looking directly into his eyes. “Is too frail and very…” A sob escapes me and I chuckle painfully. “Very vulnerable.” I feel so lost and I’m emotionally drained.
Totally.
Who should I be strong for anyway? I have lost everyone, everything.
Even the purpose to live.
I was strong for Elsa but we’ve just laid her to rest, she has been snatched from me too, just like everyone else. Feels like the worlds takes everyone that I get attached to.
Just when I thought I could be a good person for my parents.
“That’s not true, love.” I don’t know why he is calling me love, he has been doing it a lot lately but I don’t think I have a problem with that.
I mean I have bigger ones and I can’t start fretting over something too small like him calling me love. And also I kinda love how he calls me love. It makes me feel something that I shouldn’t be feeling.
“I am feeling so hollow yet my heart feels so heavy.” I pause for a second. “I feel guilty for being alive.”
“Don’t say that, Belle…” he whispers wiping my tears with his thumbs.
Damn! That makes my heart flip. The way his thumbs linger beneath my eyes, the feeling is a welcome distraction it lights me up inside.
“That should be me,” I point at Elsa’s grave swallowing painfully. “I should be the one lying six feet deep, alone.” my lips tremble and I look away, wiping tears furiously.
I should have been the one suffering, not them.
“Belle, look at me.” it’s almost an order. He cups my face tilting me to look at him. “You are alive and that is…”
“You don’t get it, Lucas. I’m responsible for everything that happened to them.” I glance at the graves and bite on my lower lip furiously. “They were innocent their only mistake was adopting me and loving me.”
I must avenge their deaths, even if it will be the last thing I do.
I wish Richard or whoever is behind this punished me instead of killing three innocent people. For some reasons I believed Lucas. He hates Richard as much as I do and I doubt that he would go to that extent to please him.
I trust that he meant well but I’m not getting back with him.
_Were we even together to begin with?_ And it’s not like he wants me back, from what I gathered he might marry Lily soon.
Imagine being stuck with a girl you don’t even love for the rest of your life? That’s a huge sacrifice.
But at least he will get to be with his son and he will get back their family’s companies.
Killing two birds with one stone.
That’s a plus on his side but I can’t help but pity Lily. I can only imagine how Lucas will treat her after he gets everything from his asshole father in law. According to Jake, Lucas doesn’t have even tiny feelings for Lily.
“That’s not true and I won’t let you wallow in compunction again. Let’s go.” He says releasing me and he takes my hand leading me away but I hesitate.
“I’m not coming. I need to spend time with them, alone.” He shakes his head in.
“I will stay here and watch you.” He offers and it’s my turn to shake my head at him.
“I said alone…Just go ahead I will take an uber back home.” I say trying to yank my hand from his grip.
“That’s not happening. Either I stay here and babysit you or you come with me.”
*~*~*
“Where are we going?” I ask subconsciously creasing my eyebrows when he turns left instead of right.
“You will see.” He tells me eyes still focused on the road.
“Just take me home, I’m not in the mood for anything.” I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep.
It’s the only way I get to see Elsa, mom and dad. I dream about them every single time I fall asleep.
“What do you want to do?”
“To fucking sleep if that’s not too much to ask for.” I say in a very bore tone.
“You will sink, Belle. I know how it feels to lose someone so dear to you but you need to fight on. Shutting everything out is not going to help.” I scoff. He is telling me nothing they haven’t said before.
“That’s cliché.”
“I know and I won’t stop telling you that. You need to get your life back, it is too soon to tell you that but, Belle…”
“I’m fucking trying, Lucas. Really.”
“Try harder.” Yes, he keeps telling me to try harder and I think I am doing my best. I haven’t broken anything or anyone yet, that’s called trying hard. Believe me, I’ve been so tempted.
“Take me home.” I order him and he glances at me for a minute before pulling outside an eatery a few meters from a gas station and I shake my head.
We are about to have a very nasty argument.
We’ve been doing it a lot in the last two days. He practically dragged me to the bathroom in the morning and that’s not something that I appreciate.
“I’m not hungry.” I don’t even wait for him to talk.
“Didn’t ask.” He chuckles at me before hoping out of the car and I watch as he walks over to open the door for me and prods me to get out.
“You have to stop treating me like a two year old.” I shout at him as I hop out of the car.
“You don’t give me much of a choice, Belle.” He shuts the door before following me.
“I don’t want you or anyone to fucking worry about me.” I snap at him. “I’m okay.”
“I won’t watch you sink back to depression while there is something I can do about it.” I glance at him and he smirks at me walking to the counter. “What are you having?” he asks taking out his credit card from his wallet.
“Said I’m not hungry.” I say leaning on the counter eyeing the displayed pizza with disgust and I catch a glimpse of the cashier rolling her eyes at my attitude.
“Two burgers and two diet cokes, please.” He tells the cashier who grins at him like he is some sort of a god and I can’t help rolling my eyes probably out of jealousy.
I offer to get the orders and I come back only to find him talking to the cashier with a grin. Whatever he is telling her must to be so hilarious for her to laugh like that, and I guess I have a problem with it. It pisses me.
“Shall we?” I toss the bag of burgers at him and start walking to the car.
He carefully puts our or rather his packed lunch in the back seat before starting the car. I expect him to take me to Nick’s house but he doesn’t.
“I am not going to your house.” I say when he drives past Nick’s.
“I know that’s the last place you want to go.” He says chuckling. I guess the cashier did some magic on him, his mood changed drastically.
“And trust me I would rather not take you there.” I don’t have the psyche to pester him, so I just let him take me to wherever place he decides.
I lean my head on the headrest after reclining my seat and I shut my eyes hoping to fall asleep and dream of them.
