It is a quarter after 6.00 am. I’m lying on the couch in Belle’s hospital room, legs lolling over the arm rest, hands crossed on the chest loosely, head resting on a fluffy pillow and eyes fixed entirely on Belle.
She is sleeping on the raised bed, strikingly gorgeous like the beauty queen she is and so fucking peaceful like she didn’t attempt suicide less than twenty four hours ago.
Even in her sleep you can see the agony on her face and she looks so weary, tired of life maybe...that’s why she wanted an eternal rest.
I let my eyes linger on the bandage that’s placed on the bend of her elbow and I swallow painfully before taking a sharp breath. I could have lost her to suicide, for good this time…not to some asshole guy.
I don’t want to go there, the thought of losing her completely gives me a serious heartache.
I was okay when I lost her to Randal, that fucker! I had to convinced myself that Smith is better than me, at least he loved Belle, she was his first priority, he was willing to fight for that love and to top it all up he made her happy unlike me…all I ever did was wreck her.
I didn’t want smith or Carter as I call him -he lied about his sir name when he joined the rehab and we only came to know his name is Randal Smith three months later.- for Belle for three good reasons.
First, Smith was once a serial drug abuser unlike me who had just started. He used to do all types of substances and he didn’t go through the last programs to full reformation that means he wasn’t fully reformed.
I was really convinced that he had changed until I saw him on my computer screen smoking cannabas. I have nothing against people who smoke weed but for a person who had just gotten out of a rehab, it wasn’t a wise thing to do. And luring Belle to smoke that shit was such a lame thing, I almost crashed my screen when she took the first puff.
Second, I don’t trust him with girls. He tried to rape Karolina one week after he joined the rehab but back then he was highly abusing crack and heroin. This is one of the reasons why I had to spy on Belle.
Third, I just don’t trust him. I am not sure if it’s just me who finds him dubious.
But he made Belle happy, I got to give him credit for that. I saw how delighted she was on her birthday. And every time Smith made her laugh or smile I reminded myself that i didn’t even deserve her, that she was better off with him.
I was okay watching another man have her, as long as he made her happy.
My phone chimes from just above my head and I stretch my hand to take it. It’s a text from Ramsey my flower delivery guy and he is outside Belle’s room.
I yawn stretching lazily as I stand up and i spare Belle a glance before trudging to the door. Ramsey is standing outside with a bunch of bright and cherry daisies in his hands and I smile instantly.
I have never met a person that knows his customers well like this guy. I expected him to bring a bunch of common rose flowers like he always does every time I order flowers for Lily since I never specify but here he is, holding a bunch of colorful and fresh daisies.
According to what I gathered from Elsa three years ago, Daisies are Belle’s favorite.
“Hey.” He greets me enthusiastically sparing me a grin.
“Hey Ramsey,” I say taking the flowers from his hands. “They are so beautiful, I didn’t specify the type though.” I grin as i read the card that is pinned on the Ribbon.
_Get well soon, love._
_L_
“You did, indirectly.” He says and I squint my eyes at him as if asking how. “You said they were for belle and I brought her fav.” I laugh lightly, I’m glad he remembers that.
Three years ago when both Belle and Lily were admitted to this hospital, I ordered flowers for the two of them and I forgot to specify. Ramsey brought two bunches of rose flowers and I remember tossing one to the trash can as he watched.
“Take that to Lily’s room and get daisies for Belle,” I snapped at him.
I could have ordered lilies for Lily too, they are her best but I have never made any effort to give her the flowers that she loves.
But with Belle, i settle for nothing but the best.
“Thank you.” He says when I give him a handsome tip and i flash him a smile before walking back.
I place the flowers on the vase carefully before plumping my sleepy self back on the couch lazily as I yawn for the tenth time in the last one hour.
I haven’t slept all night, my eyes feels puffy and my head is starting to feel a little bit hazy. I know I have them, dark circles underneath my eyes.
I am so sleepy but I can’t bring myself to shut my eyes even for a bitsy sec, I am afraid that Belle might wake up and decide to finish what she had started when I am deep asleep.
I know I’m been unnecessarily paranoid but honestly I can’t help it. I can’t risk it.
A small smile pulls on my lips as I play the memories of three years ago in my mind, when Belle was in a comma. I was fucking scared of losing her, just like I am scared of losing her right now.
I used to watch her twenty four seven. I rarely left her side and every night I would watch her for the better part of the night. I used to wake up wishing and hoping that she would open her eyes the next minute. And one day my wish was granted.
“You look like shit, dude.” Keith observes when they walk in ten minutes later and Nick signals him to keep his voice low not to wake Belle up.
They might have slept at Keith’s since Jake is in Keith’s clothes, I am surprised that he actually fits in, Keith is a bit lean compared to Jake.
“Jeez. Thanks, asshole.” I say rolling my eyes at him as I sit upright to give them space.
“You are so brutal.” Nick tells his brother shoving him lightly and we all chuckle.
“So fucking brutal.” I add and Keith rolls eyes at me dramatically.
“You didn’t sleep, did you?” Jake asks plopping on the arm rest after placing the shopping bag he came with on the carpeted floor.
“It is obvious.” Keith answers him before I shake my head.
“How is she?” Nick asks eyes fixed on Belle. It is patent that he cares for her and he really loves her, whether platonic or erotic. He adores her so fucking much.
“She is okay, Janice said she didn’t lose a lot of blood.” they all sigh in relief and I swear their eyes dilate.
“Thanks fuck!” Nick mutters smiling, not a broad smile. “I was so scared of losing her.” and an emotion flickers on his face but he is quick to lose it.
I watch as he carefully sits on the bed next to Belle and I can’t help but notice the way he is looking at her, like she a gem.
His precious gem.
And damn if that doesn’t make me feel jealous.
“Me too,” I add and Nick turns in a slow motion to look at me, he nods at me like he’s saying ‘I know what she means to you’.
“We bought you coffee and a burger.” Keith says after a very long silence. Handing me the shopping bag but he takes it off me when I make to push it away from my laps.
“I am not hungry,” That’s an outright lie, I am having munchies but I don’t want to eat. “You should have bought me clothes instead I badly need a shower.” It should help me freshen, a yawn gives me away but no one comments about it.
“We did.” Jake says reaching for the bag to get me the cloths. “Nick’s I am hoping you will fit in them.” I am more built than him I just hope I will fit.
“Maybe you could get a nap first? We will keep an eye on her.” Nick offers but I quickly shake my head even before he’s done.
“A cold shower should help, I feel like I pile of shit.” I say getting the wears from the bag before walking to the bathroom.
