Maria Maria | Oscar Diaz

45 - Is it Me?

The cholas were laughing and drinking and dancing with each other. I wasn't really in the mood to party anymore. I walked into the kitchen and started cleaning. One of the cholas walked up to me. "Maria what are you doing? Are you cleaning?"

I nodded my head. "I'm fine. Just cleaning up the kitchen. I forgot to do it earlier." She shook her head and took the towel out of my hand. "Girl you can't be serious." I turned to her and started fidgeting with my fingers. She looked at me and frowned. "Maria what's wrong?" I took a deep breath, "Why did Oscar let that girl dance on him like that?"

She let out a deep breath. "I don't know."

I shook my head and looked down at my dress and my shoes. "Is it me? Is it because I don't dress sexy enough?" She looked at me with a sad, endearing face. "Oh, chica. No." She sat her drink down and took my hands in hers. "Maria, sometimes it not about us. Men don't always use the right head when their thinking about things. Especially when it comes to women." I shook my head, "I don't understand."

She smiled at me, "Okay, think about it this way. You know that feeling you get when Spooky holds you, kisses you and gives you that look?" I nodded, "Yeah?" "Well, guys, they um, they get that feeling or think about that type of thing ALL THE TIME." I frowned in confusion, "So, they think about all women the same?" She shook her head, "No, not really like that. It's just. Their bodies usually cause them to think about the same types of things when it comes to women. They can't help it."

I dropped my head and nodded.

She gave my hands a squeeze. "But I don't think Spooky was into that puta or anything. I just think it's been a long time for the both of you and he was a little, um, vulnerable." "So you don't think he likes her?" "Hell no! The way that man cares for you and looks at you. Spooky only has eyes for you girl." I smiled at her. "Thank you."

"No problem. My name is Bunny by the way." "It's nice to meet you Bunny."

"Hey Bunny, we gotta go! The guys need us at the trap houses." One of the other cholas shouted to her.

Bunny turned back to me. "Are you going to be okay here?" I nodded, "I'll be fine. I'll lock the door as soon as you leave." She nodded, "Okay." She turned to leave, but then turned back to me and gave me a hug. Then she pulled back, smiled at me and left with the other girls. I followed them to the door and locked it as soon as they left.

Then I was alone in the house with all of my thoughts. Was she right? Do men just think about things differently? Or was Oscar really into that girl?

She dressed so much sexier than I did. She wore more makeup than I did. She knew how to move her body in ways that I'd never imagined. Maybe I was being stupid to think that I deserved to be with Oscar. I could never look like one of those girls.

The tears started to come down too easily. I tried to wipe them away but they kept coming, one after the other. I was starting to feel so sad and insecure. And I had no one here to talk to.

Angelina. I needed to go see Angelina. If there was nothing else that could make me feel better. It would be seeing our daughter and holding her in my arms.

That's what I'll do. I grabbed a sweater and left the house. I could catch the bus before it was too late and go spend the night up there with her. I walked to the bus stop and was happy to see the bus pulling up a few minutes after I got there. I stepped on and greeted the bus driver. He smiled back, "What's a pretty thing like you doing out so late? And by yourself too. It's not safe out here you know?" I nodded, "I'm on my way to the hospital. I'm going to spend some time with my daughter who's in the NICU." He nodded, "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well take a seat, let's get you to the hospital pretty lady."

I smiled and sat behind him. "Thank you."

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Is it safe for Maria to be traveling alone like this?