Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 1 Chapter 8: Don't Ph34r The Reaper

Sheila's turret pointed at Grif, then it turns to face Simmons

Grif: Why is it just sitting there?

Simmons: Just trying to mess with our heads. Let's get back to the Warthog.

Cut to the view from the tank

Sheila: This tank is equipped with an auto-fire sequence that can be activated by pressing the auto-fire button.

Rookie: Auto-fire, auto-fire, here, here! No, wait... okay that's more a switch than a button...

Sheila: (over top of the Rookie's lines) This will end the tutorial, and should only be activated if proper safety procedures...

Cut to Simmons and Grif

Simmons: Okay, you ready? Let's do this on three. One...

Grif: Wait. On three? Or three and then go?

Simmons: On three. It's always faster to go on three.

Grif: Okay, okay. On three.

Cut to the view from the tank

Rookie: Here!

Sheila: Tutorial deactivated. Auto-fire sequence activated.

Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Ready?

Cut to the view from the tank

Sheila: Acquiring target.

Cut to Church and Tucker

Church: I'm going for the jeep. Cover me.

Cut to Simmons and Grif. Grif is backing away

Simmons: One...

Grif turns around and starts running away

Cut to view from the tank, tracking Grif

Sheila: Target acquired.

Cut to Grif running

Grif: Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit...

Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Two...

Cut to view from the tank, locking on to Grif's back

Sheila: Target locked.

Cut to Church running toward the Warthog, breathing like he's giving birth

Cut to Simmons

Simmons: Three! (turns around, sees Grif running) Oh, you back-stabbing cock bite!

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Tank fires, blows up the Warthog right in front of Grif

Simmons: (next to tank) Son of a bitch!

Grif: (next to jeep) SON OF A BITCH!

Church: (near jeep) Son of a bitch!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Simmons: Shit!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Simmons: Dammit!

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires)

Cut to Church running back up to meet Tucker

Tucker: Hey dude, the jeep blew up.

Church: No kidding. Thanks for the update, Tucker.

Cut to Grif and Simmons hiding out behind a rock

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)

Simmons: Hey, I have a great idea. Let's get out of the jeep, and sneak around the back of the rock.

Sheila: Firing main cannon. (fires, hits the rock)

Simmons: Great plan you idiot!

Cut to view from the tank, scanning the rock

Sheila: All targets eliminated. Acquiring new targets.

Turret starts panning up and to the left

Cut to Church and Tucker, Church standing in the open looking down at the tank

Church: Hey Tucker, look at this, man: it's the rookie! And he brought the tank out to scare off the reds.

Tucker: What? No way!

Church: Hey rookie, good job man! Why didn't you tell us you knew how to drive the tank?

Sheila: New target acquired. (spinning turret around at Church)

Cut to view from the tank, slowly panning up the cliffside at Church

Rookie: That's not a target. That's Church.

Church: Yeah, that's right, it's me, Church! What's going on, man!

Sheila: (locking on to Church) Target locked.

Cut to the Rookie in the driver's seat of the tank

Rookie: What? No. Target unlock. Unlock! Please help me nice lady.

Sheila: Firing main cannon.

Rookie: Uh oh...

Tucker: Uh oh...

Church: What? Oh, son of a bi-

Tank fires, hits Church, throws him sprawling, high up in the air. Church lands back on the ledge again

Tucker: Holy fuck! Church, are you okay? Talk to me, Church! You shot Church, you team-killing fucktard!

Sheila: Auto-fire sequence deactivated.

Church: (dying) Tucker! ...Tucker!

Tucker: Church! It's going to be okay, man.

Church: No. Ah... I'm na, I'm not gonna make it. Tucker, there's something I need to tell you.

Tucker: What is it?

Church: I just want you to know, I always hated you. I always hated you the most.

Tucker: Yeah, I know you did. Now hurry up and die, you prick.

Church: Okay. Hierh! Blueah.