EXT. RED BASE - DAY
GRIF and DONUT are looking at three newly erected tombstones: one for Ghost, one for Sarge, and one for Simmons. Grif is openly sobbing.
GRIF: (Crying, tears streaming down his visor) I can't believe they're gone. My best frenemies. I'm just so happy. So, so happy. No more yelling!
DONUT: (Wiping a tear from his pink armor) God, why, why? Why did you have to bury them in their beautiful, shiny, red, armor? It's such a waste! And now I'll never know what Sarge's favorite macrame pattern was.
SARGE: (Entering from the right, brushing dirt off his armor, looking annoyed) What in Sam Hell are you two Barbies cryin' about? Did someone steal your nail polish?
GRIF: (Jumps, startled, eyes wide) What the?! Sarge, you're alive?! We thought you were dead! We buried you!
DONUT: (Runs up to Sarge, hugging him tightly) Sarge, you're alive! This is the best day ever! I thought I'd lost you forever!
SARGE: (Pushes Donut away, disgusted) Nonsense, pinky-pants. I was merely napping. And you're getting dirt on my freshly cleaned armor.
GRIF: (Stammering, pointing at the tombstones) But how the hell did you get outta there?! I tied you up and poured concrete over the grave! Just in case you turned into a zombie! I even put a warning sign!
SARGE: (A triumphant smirk) Yes, but you made one crucial mistake, Private. You left me my spoon. My trusty, indestructible spoon.
GRIF: (Horrified) No! The spoooon?!
SARGE: That's right! I ate my way out. The soft earth was like a delicious butterscotch brownie to me. And the concrete was a delightful crunch.
A translucent SIMMONS materializes behind the tombstones, shimmering faintly. Cue the ominous "back from the dead" music.
SIMMONS: (Spooky, echoing voice) Griiiif... Donuuut... It's me, the ghost of Simmons. Iiii've come baaack with a waaarniiing... About your terrible hygiene habits...
The ghost of Simmons is suddenly shot many times by a sniper rifle and falls over dead... well, you know what I mean. He just dissipates.
SIMMONS: (A faint, gurgling sound) Huerk? Bleah.
Donut lowers his gun, a look of grim satisfaction on his face.
GRIF: (Stares at the dissipating ghost, then at Donut) What the hell! You just killed Simmons' ghost! Again!
DONUT: (Shrugs, reloading his sniper rifle) Wrong. That wasn't Simmons, Grif. It was old man Caboose. He's always trying to trick us.
CABOOSE: (His actual body appears from behind the tombstones, holding a sniper rifle, his voice cheerful) That's right. It's me, Caboose! And I'm very good at impersonations!
O'MALLEY: (In Caboose's deep voice, echoing) And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for you meddling kids! And your superior marksmanship!
TUCKER and DOC are revealed in the background, walking up. Doc is wearing a pink dress over his armor, looking incredibly uncomfortable.
DOC: (Adjusting the dress, a strained smile) Everyone, I have something to say. Tucker and I, are in love, and we're leaving! To start a new life! Together!
TUCKER: (Walking arm-in-arm with Doc, a wide, confident grin) That's right. We're getting married, and there's not a damn thing any of you can do about it. Not even you, French-speaking Lopez. Our love transcends language barriers!
LOPEZ: (Suddenly appears from behind the red base, his voice distorted, speaking French) Zut alors, Monsieur Tucker, vous m'avez promis votre amour. Mon cœur est brisé! (Mister Tucker, you promised your love to me. My heart is broken!)
EVERYBODY: (Simultaneously, screaming in horror and confusion) Aaaahhhhhhhhhhh!
Zooms in on the tombstones. They say:
"SARGE ?-2004 He was mean and may have once drowned a snake or something. But he was OUR mean."
"SIMMONS ?-2004 He still owes me 20 bucks and it's not like I'll just forget. What a cockbite. Also, he was Dutch Irish."
LOPEZ: (In French, his voice filled with dramatic despair) Mon dieu! Ceci est folie!!! C'est un cauchemar! (My God! This is madness!!! It's a nightmare!)
Screen fades to black, then fades in on CHURCH standing in the blue base, looking around, his optical sensor flickering.
CHURCH: (A long, deep sigh of relief) Huh? Oh, thank God. It was all a dream. All a dream. All a dreamiemiemiemiemiemiemie... (He trails off, his voice echoing.)
LOPEZ: (His actual voice, slightly distorted, speaking French) Oui, c'était un rêve horrible... Très, très horrible. (Yes, it was a horrible dream... Very, very horrible.)
LOPEZ: (Suddenly, his voice sharp and demanding) OU ÉTAIT IL?!? (Seriously. Where was it?!)
GHOST: (His actual body, standing next to Lopez, looking around confusedly) What the fuck just happened?! My head hurts.
VALKYRIE & OPHELIA: (In Ghost's helmet, their voices overlapping, terrified) We don't know but it scared us! It was very illogical!
YOU ARE READING
Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert)
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...
