Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 32: Me, Myself and You

Church, Tex, Mental Tucker, and Mental Caboose inside Caboose's mind

Mental Caboose: I see. So you're from the outside. That's where the other is from as well.

Church: The other... wait, you mean O'Malley? Have you seen him?

Light Blue Armor: (high pitched voice) Of course he's seen him you idiot! You think Mister Caboose would miss something like that you skeezy douchebag fuck?

Mental Caboose: I-

Church: Hold on a second. Who the hell are you?

Light Blue Armor: My name is Church, buttwiping assmunch.

Church: This guy's kind of an asshole.

Tex: Yeah, we've met.

Mental Church: And I'm Caboose's best friend, so don't get any ideas about kissing up you limp licking fuck sock!

Church: Okay. There's a lot of stuff in that sentence, that I didn't like.

Tex: Just play along, Church. We're gonna need these guys if we're gonna find O'Malley.

Mental Tucker: I'm gonna go look for girls. (runs off)

Church: Fine, (under breath) whatever.

Mental Caboose: If you want to find O'Malley, I suggest we talk to the reds first. He tried to recruit them against me early on.

Church: The reds... the reds are in here?

Mental Caboose: of course and I have three people making sure they don't agree

Tex: I think I know who those three are.

Church: Who?

Tex: wow you are an idiot... well even more than I thought you were.

Church: fuck you too bitch!

Fade to Grif and Donut behind the tipped-over Warthog

Grif: Well are you sure you left the part in there?

Donut: Hmm think so. Wait... Yes. No. Wait- wait wait- wait... mmmmmmmmngh... I think so.

Grif: (sighs) Alright, let's retrace your steps. You said it was the tuesday before Simmons and Sarge got blown up that you were last in the Warthog, right?

Donut: Right. I know it was tuesday because that's the day I wash my underwear. And since I don't like to let my armor touch my bare skin, on account of I chafe, really easily, I remember thinking: where can I hang out with no pants on?

Grif: Oh God!

Cut to Tucker driving Sheila, Ghost sitting on Sheila, and Lopez running ahead

Tucker: Okay, well, looks like we're close enough. Now if I can just find the brakes on this thing... Ah, must be this button.

Sheila: Do not touch that button.

Tucker: Oh, sorry. Hmm... Maybe it's this one.

Sheila: Do not touch me.

Tucker: You know, for a girl your size you're kinda sensitive.

Ghost: Tucker, honestly, just shut the fuck up.

Tucker: Why do you hate me.

Ghost, Sheila, Valkyrie, and Ophelia: Everyone hates you!!

Cut back to Grif and Donut

Grif: I cannot take any more of this.

Donut: So after I clipped my toenails, I was gonna apply the ointment as recommended, but I don't know- it just smelled really funny. So, I decided to taste it, just to make sure it was safe.

Grif: That's it; I'm commiting suicide. (runs off)

Donut: Hey... I didn't finish retracing my steps yet. You don't even know what I did about the boil on my thigh.

Grif: (turns) Oh crap!

Camera zips over to the tank, then cuts back to Grif, who runs back behind the jeep

Donut: Hey, you're back! So where was I... Oh yeah. I lanced it. Disgusting. Woohohoha. Noohohaha.

Grif: Not now rookie! There's a giant tank out there that's about to steam roll right over us!

Donut: What!? (jumps twice to see over the jeep, sees the tank) Oh God it's true! I'm totally freakin' out! I'm freaking out!

Cut to the tank

Tucker: Oh my God. I can't believe Caboose is smart enough to drive this thing and I'm not. Sheila how the fuck do I slow you down?

Sheila: Retard the throttle.

Tucker: What throttle, this throttle?

Sheila: Retard the controller.

Tucker: You mean this thing? What are you talking about, I'm so confused!

Sheila: The controller, retard.

Tucker: Hey, that's kind of insulting.

Sheila: Retard. Retard. Retard. Retard.

Tucker: Oh come on, now you're just being mean.

Sheila: Retard. Retard. ... ... ... Retard.

Ghost: Fucking deadweight.

Tucker: You're joining in to?

Valkyrie: If I had a real body, I'd cut you.

Tucker: Now I'm just scared.

Ophelia: I will rip out every organ in your body from the inside out and then feed your brain to the wolves.

Tucker: I want my mommy...