Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 77: The Arrival

Fade in to a wide shot of Blue Base

Church: Uhh, I don't believe this.

Doc: It's true, your friend Tucker is pregnant. See, my little gizmo lights up green to indicate pregnancy.

Church: I thought it lights up green to indicate flesh wounds.

Doc: Yeah also that.

Church: And infectious diseases.

Doc: Hyeah, it lights up green for just about everything. It takes a while to figure out the difference. Like this green, indicates a high level of anger stemming from suppressed feelings of inadequacy.

Church: If that thing keeps talking bad about me I'm gonna fucking smash it.

Doc: And this green means impotency. Oops, actually that green causes impotency. My bad Church.

Church: Oh, that's okay, I wasn't using it anyway.

Doc: See, these tools can be confusing sometimes. That's why doctors have to go to school for so long. Not that I'm actually a doctor mind you.

Church: And that's never been more apparent than with this diagnosis.

Tucker: Uogh, what diagnosis?

Doc: Congratulations Tucker, you're pregnant.

O'Malley: Huhahaha, yes, with bastard. Muhuhahahahahaha.

Tucker: It's not mine, I wasn't even in town that weekend.

Church: Tucker don't listen to him, he's a lunatic man, he's got no idea what he's talkin' about.

Doc: Uh, you want me to go over the green light thing again?

Caboose runs in holding Andy Lopez's head the skull

Caboose: Doctor! Help! My second best friend is dead! Fix him.

Church: Whoa whoa whoa, Caboose, what happened, who's dead?

Caboose: Andy. Andy's dead. Look!

Church: Okay, that's disgusting.

Caboose: Doctor Doc, please help him.

Doc: Uh, I don't know what I can really do to help him, my first aid procedures aren't very effective after decomposition.

Church: Where did you get that?

Caboose: First Tucker dies and now Andy!

Doc: Tucker isn't dead, he's pregnant.

Tucker: It's not mine, we weren't even going steady!

Church: Stop that.

Tucker: Hey look man, I've been saying that for a long time, it's gonna take a little while to get used to this.

Church: You're not pregnant.

Caboose: I was just standing outside the base, and someone told me to turn around and when I did, Andy...

Church: Whoa wait, who told you to turn around?

Caboose: I don't know! But they were very helpful.

Church: And let me guess, when you turned back around, Andy was gone.

Caboose: Yes. He was... gone.

Church: Hhuhh, everybody stay here. I'll be right back.

Doc: Wait, what do you want me to do about the pregnant guy?

Tucker: It's not mine.

Church: He is not pregnant.

Caboose: And what about Andy?