Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 3 Episode 42: You're the Bomb, Yo

Ticking in the background as it fades in on Grif and Church

Grif: Guys I'm a red too, I'm a red! I don't even know this guy! Come on, let me out.

Church: Thanks for the support, Grif. Way to be a team player.

Grif: Hey, I gotta think about myself here.

Church: There's no "I" in team, Grif.

Grif: Yeah, there's no "U" either. So I guess if I'm not on the team, and you're not on the team, nobody's on the God damn team. The team sucks!

Church: What I can't figure out is why the reds are still here. Tex already wiped out all the blues. Why wouldn't they just pull out?

Grif: As someone who's taken orders from Red Command for the last three years, trust me, it's not that surprising.

Cut to Ghost, Sarge, Caboose and Simmons in the janitor closet

Simmons: Okay, we traced the bomb activation signal to Sidewinder. How much time do we have left Sarge?

Donut: (through staticky radio) Everyone here is set to transport.

Tucker: (through staticky radio) I'm not going through that thing. I'm serious.

Ghost: Don't be a fucking baby.

Sarge:    We need to get there as soon as possible. Did you set their teleporter to take them straight to Sidewinder?

Ghost: I walked Donut through it. He says he did everything right, but I figure they have a fifty/fifty chance of ending up in Sidewinder, or in the middle of deep space.

Sarge:    What about us?

Ghost: I programmed ours myself. We're fine.

Sarge:    I find the risks acceptable.

Donut: I never knew a Phillips screwdriver was the X one. Do you think it's named after a guy named Phillip? That guy Phillip must have a fucked-up-shaped head!

Tucker: Yeah. Screw this, I'm walking.

Ghost: You can't dumb ass.

Sarge:    Alright, then saddle up! Don't worry Grif and Church, here comes the cavalry! Hyaaaaa!

Sarge runs through a teleporter, and emerges from another behind Caboose

Sarge:    Hyaaaaa- oh!

Ghost: Uh sir? The teleporter I reprogrammed is over there.

Sarge:    Oh well, heads up evil-doers; here we come to save the diya-ah forget it, let's just go.

Cut to Grif, singing poorly and totally out of tune

Grif: Nobody knows, the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but Jesus.

Church: Will you shut up?

Grif: You just can't face the fact that I've adjusted to life on the inside! I'm hard now!

Church: Please, give me a break.

Grif: As the prison bitch, I would not expect you to understand.

Cut to a firefight down a hall somewhere

Church: What's going on out there?

Grif: Oh man, maybe our crew's come to bust us out of the joint. I don't know if I can live on the outside though any more Church. I'm all institutionalized and shit.

Church: I don't know. Sounds like whoever's fighting them is winning. That can't possibly be our guys. Actually Ghost would've been able to kill them all with relative ease. Never mind, it's probably them.