Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 34: Aftermath, Before Biology

Panning view of the sky, Blue Command on the radio. Camera pans and eventually zooms in on a cave

Blue Command: Hello, dude, come in, doctor dude, are you there, hello. Paaaaging doctor dude, to the radio, stat! I need twenty ccs of what the hell's going on there dude.

Doc: (moan) What happened?

Blue Command: Hey, you tell me dude. One minute we're talking about a hole in the wall, the next thing I know you turn in to Grumps McGurt. Sounded like you needed a lozenge. Threatened to eat my children. ...not very cool, dude.

Doc: Geeze, did I really? I'm sorry, something went wrong with my radio, and I heard this weird, beeping, honking.

Blue Command: Hey, no offense taken, dude, don't got any kids anyway.

Doc: What?

Blue Command: Old Vic's been through the snip and stitch.

Doc: I don'-

Vic: If you know what I mean.

Doc: I don't wanna hear about that.

Vic: Winky-Blinky the one eyed Sargeant's firing blanks.

Doc: That's weird.

Vic: If you get me.

Doc: Look-

Vic: Via Condios of the Vas Deferens.

Doc: Yeah alright, I, enough, I get you.

Vic: I mean a vasectomy, dude.

Doc: Look, I found something really weird here at Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha.

Vic: Roger that, what did you find?

Doc: It, it's like a, it's like a thing.

Vic: It's like a thing. Okaaay, dude. Thank you for the update. I'll be sure to alert the Chief of Staff...

Doc: Sorry...

Vic: Move to Defcon 1.

Doc: I'm just a little dazed. It's a big thing. It it's purple, it's uh, it's a big purple thing.

Vic: Use your words, dude.

Doc: Look I don't know, it looks like some kinda alien artifact. Do the aliens have like a, home base, or something here?

Vic: I don't know dude, why don't I just consult my Extra Terrestrial Travel Guide for ya. Oh look! Got a great series of alien bed and breakfasts there.

Doc: (sigh)

Vic: Lucky you.

Doc: Never mind. I'll just figure it out myself.

Vic: Nothin' about big purple things though. Maybe it's some kind of alien vehicle.

Sound of radio being turned off

Doc: Man, that guy is such a jerk. The next time he talks to me like that, I'm gonna tell him to go straight to H-E-Double Hockey Sticks. Oh, I really shouldn't talk like that, that's not very nice.

O'Malley: If I ever meet him, I'm taking his eyes, as souvenirs.

Doc: Whoa, that was unlike me. I must be stressed out. TIME FOR YOGA! (sits down)

Cut to Church and Tucker outside the blue base

Church: How's Sheila doing?

Tucker: I'm not gonna lie, it's not looking pretty. She may have, twisted her differential, possibly some structural damage, ...could be a disc.