Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 2 Episode 27: Nine-Tenths of the Law

Camera pans down to Donut and Sarge at the base

Donut: So, just you and me, hanging at the base today, huh Sarge? This is new. I notice you use a shotgun. That's cool. I just use this pistol. It works for me. ...(whistles)... So, you think the guys will be back soon? What do you think they're up to? You think they stopped at the store? I noticed we were getting pretty low on elbow grease. ...When you die, can I have your armor?

Simmons: (running up the ramp) Hey, we're back!

Donut: Oh man, am I glad to see you guys. Sarge would not stop talkin'. Seriously

Sarge: Ghost, Grif, Simmons, were you able to work out a suitable exchange?

Simmons: Uh, not exactly, sir. You see, when we showed up, the blues were doing something really weird, and then th-

Grif: Really weird. And they were rude.

Ghost: They looked like they were sucking each other off also they're being rude to the new rookie.

Simmons: Hey dumbass, I thought we agreed I was gonna tell the story.

Grif: Excuse me, go ahead... wait why are you only talking to me why not ghost?

Simmons: Ghost would kill me... Well you see, the blue guys were really weird, and not just normal weird, really weird-

Grif: You're not telling it right.

Simmons: Okay fine, how do you remember it?

Grif: Well, I remember we agreed that you're a kissass. I get fuzzy on the rest of the details.

Simmons: Anyway, they didn't want the prisoner back, sir.

Sarge: Why those cunning blue devils. Does their treachery know no bounds.

Grif: It wasn't a total loss sir, I was able to steal his wallet.

Sarge: Grif, I may just make a respectable soldier out of you yet.

Grif: Really sir?

Sarge: Hell no! Now leave the money on my nightstand, and get back to work!

Ghost: Who is the kissass now.

Grif: Go to hell!

Ghost: Do you want me to beat you with your own spine?

Grif: please no!!

Cut to the blues on the blue base

Church: Alright Tucker, what the hell are we gonna do man, I gotta get my legs working here.

Tucker: I don't know, but I can't just keep pulling wires down there. I think we should call in a professional. Maybe someone who can fix Sheila, too.

Church: Okay great idea, but the only two people who can do that are Señor El Roboto, Ghost, and Tex.

Caboose: Hmm, Tex can be kinda hard to work with.

Tucker: Yeah. Dead people usually are.

Church: Quite frankly Tucker, I find your attitude offensive.

Caboose: What about that Lopez person. Is he available?

Church: No, I'm in his body. Remember?

Caboose: Well... why don't you just leave his body, and then Tucker and I will make him fix you and my girlfriend!

Tucker: Girlfriend, what?

Church: You retard?

Caboose: I mean uh, Tucker and I will make him fix you, and uh the beautiful tank lady means nothing to me. Uh then we can get you back in his body when he is done.