Fade in to the BluesTucker: You're trying to tell us that this bomb can talk.
Caboose: I'm not telling you that, he's telling you that.
Andy: Yeah, and I'm standing right here. You can talk to me.
Tucker: If you could talk this whole time, then why didn't you just... wait, why'm I talking to a bomb? I'm not doing this.
Andy: What, am I not good enough to talk to? Who do you think you are, some kind of "too good to talk to a bomb" type?
Church: Maybe it's a good idea not to piss off the explosive device.
Tex: I agree.
Church: I wasn't talking about you Tex.
Tex: Hey, why don't you suck my -
Tucker: Did Gary say anything about the bomb being able to talk?
Church: Uh, just that this whole place is going to be destroyed by us, and that Andy here is probably the thing that does it.
Tucker: Oh. That's not good.
Church: Wait a minute, I'm forgetting two things, wait a minute.
Church walks over to Tucker and kicks him in the balls
Tucker: What was that for?!
Church: That's for not burying my body, dipshit! hey Ghost.
Ghost: What?
Church: Sheila says she loves you.
Tex: WHAT!!!
Church: Wow Tex calm down.
Tex: I WILL NOT!!! THAT BITCH THINKS SHE CAN TAKE MY GHOST!!!
Ghost: Wait, when did I become your Ghost?
This made Tex stop and slowly turn toward Ghost and she blushes badly and her helmet
Tex: N-n-nothing!!
Church: Holy shit I think is the first time Tex has ever stuttered.
Tex: Shut up church!
Tucker: How do you get all the girls!
Ghost: Shut up, Tex we'll talk about this later! And, church or Andy whoever was about to talk next please continue
Andy: Thanks, I don't think so. Bunch of shisnos if ya ask me. And noone did ask me which I find insulting!
Church: Alright, alright calm down Andy, calm down.
Andy: Don't tell me to calm down, I am calm!
Church: Caboose, calm this thing down before it has a meltdown.
Andy: (under Church) Look at me! I'm calm!
Caboose: Andy, everyone here is your friend. And noone wants to hurt you.
Andy: Yeah right.
Caboose: Come on Andy, think of a happy place. Now what makes you happy?
Andy: Being in the middle of a huge explosion!
Church: Less happy place Caboose, less happy place.
Caboose: Ah u... think calming thoughts, uh... let's count backwards from ten! Ten, nine, eight-
Tex and Tucker: NO!
Church: (at the same time) Duck!
Cut to the Reds, Simmons in the Warthog and Grif next to it
Simmons: Okay. I'm ninety-five percent certain that the distress signal is coming from that way.

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Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]
FanfictionYou were one of the first freelancers and one of the best you could never fill a mission no matter what happens you always succeed no matter who you fight you always come out on top. You've lost a lot of people you care about in your life along with...