Red vs Blue (Male OC Insert) [Being heavily overhauled]

Season 4 Episode 69: Talk Of The Town

Fade in to Blue Base in the Gulch

Church: Man, Sarge is frickin' heavy. Hey blue guy where'd you go I need some help.

Simmons: Listen Donut, Church thinks I'm a blue guy, so whatever you do just pretend like you don't know me.

Donut: I don't know you.

Simmons: Yeah, just like that, good job.

Donut: No, I'm serious, I have no idea who you are.

Sarge's limp, lifeless body falls down from the ceiling in the background

Simmons: Okay, stop practicing, here he comes.

Donut: So does that mean you're not gonna tell me who you are?

Simmons: Okay, that's a little too far, no-one's gonna buy that.

Church: Euh, you know I could have used some help new guy, thanks.

Simmons: (in some weird voice) I was just securing this prisoner. Which is interesting, considering that I have never met him before.

Church: Why is that interesting?

Simmons: (still in that weird voice) I don't know.

Church: ...Is something wrong with your voice?

Simmons: Oh I was just disguising it, so the prisoner wouldn't think he knew me.

Donut: What?

Simmons: But he doesn't. Do you prisoner?

Donut: Um... no?

Simmons: Right. (whispering) Good job Donut.

Donut: Wait, is this some really weird form of torture?

Church: Wll okay, help me load these guys in the jeep before they wake up.

Simmons: Okay. Donut, grab the ankles.

Donut:Okie dokie. How's this?

Simmons: Sarge's ankles Donut.

Cut to Trut'aik leading Tucker, Caboose and Tex through a tunnel of some sort

Andy:    Step it up guys, we're almost there.

Tucker: I'm tellin' you, the alien has really been creepin' me out lately. Every time I wake up he's hovering over me. It's really weird.

Tex: I'm sure he's just safeguarding his sword. I mean, my sword.

Caboose: Maybe he just wants to steal your breath.

Tucker: Maybe he's trying to figure out what I taste like.

Ghost: or maybe he's trying to fuck you again...

Andy:    Hurry up ya idiots.

Tucker: Man did it get a lot colder all of a sudden?

Andy:    Of course it did. They don't call it the Great Freezin' Plains for nothin'.

Tucker: Whoa.

Caboose: I'm just glad, I brought my mittens.

Tex: The snow is the least of our problems.

Andy:    Why?

Tex: I assume we have to get into that big temple base thing?

Andy: Yeah...

Ghost: Well, it's got about two dozen guards on its walls.

Caboose: Oh no.

Tex: Yep. Doesn't look good.

Caboose: No no no, I mean I lost one of my mittens? Um... we have to go back.

Tucker: Caboose we've been walking for days. We're not goin' back for anything.

Ghost turns to Caboose while the others were not listening

Ghost: Don't worry Caboose I have your mitten.

Caboose: Where did you get it?

Ghost: I saw you drop it.

Tex: Suggestions Andy?

Andy:    I say we let Tucker storm in and take 'em out in a mad rush, and while he's got 'em distracted, we finish the quest.

Tucker: On second thought, personal warmth is very important. Let's go get that mitten! It'll be like a mini-quest.

Ghost: We already have the mitten.

Tucker: Damn you Ghost!

Tex: I think surprise is the key.

Andy:    What ya thinkin'?

Tex: Let me and Ghost take them out, one by one. They will never know what hit them.

Andy: Ya think you two can kill 'em all without alerting the rest?

Tex: Just watch us.

Ghost: Valkyrie please active Protocol three.

Valkyrie: Of course Ghost!

Tex & Ghost cloaks, or vanishes, or whatever the hell They do that makes them invisible

Andy:    How can I watch ya, you just turned invisible.

Tucker: And yet, I was still able to check out her ass. That's why I'm a pro.

Ghost reappears behind Tucker and punches him into the icy cliff

Ghost: Bitch.

Ghost disappears again

Cut back to the Gulch, where Church and Simmons are dropping off the Reds in front of their base

Church: Okay Donut, wait until we're gone, and then you can wake 'em up.

Donut: Well what do I tell them?

Church: I don't care, tell 'em you busted in and rescued them. Get yourself a medal. You deserve it.

Donut: H-i always did wanna be a hero... H-and a liar.

Church: Well then it's your lucky day.

Donut: Don't you want anything?

Church: Like what?

Donut: Well, every time someone surrenders they take somethin'. Like when we took the medic, and you guys took Grif's dignity.

Simmons: Hyeah, like that ever existed. Uhhh, I mean, which one is Grif? Is he the yellow one?

Donut: And this time you guys don't want anything?

Church: Well, technically you're not surrendering. This is what we call in the Military, a "total asskicking." Oh, and also, we're taking your car.

Donut: What? You're leaving us out here, without any transportation? We'll die!

Church: Die of what?

Donut: Exposure! We're stranded! This is murder.

Church: Your base is right there, I can see it.

Donut: You may as well just feed us to the buzzards right now.

Church: You could have walked back to the base in the time we've been discussing this.

Donut: Go. Just sign our death warrants.

Sarge:    Rrouw. Gourough. What's goin' on?

Church: Hey, take care o' that guy.

Simmons: (whispering) Sorry about this Sarge, but look at it this way, you were right; this does hurt you more than me.

Sarge:    Is that you, Simmo- (smacked in the head) goh, knocked out again.