Sky Full Of Stars

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

All my life I've been living with a fear inside my heart. May phobia kasi ako sa isang certain music and verytime I hear that song ay kinakabahan ako, nahihirapan ako sa paghinga, para akong nababaliw .I can't control myself and as much as possible, nilalayo ko ang sarili ko sa mga tao to protect myself. Kapag mas malayo ako sa mga tao then it means that the chance of hearing the song that I triggers my phobia will be lessen.

"Good afternoon, Lyra. I'm Dr. Madeline Vasquez, your psychiatrist."

A psychiatrist visited in our house today for my counseling. My Dad was the one who insist that I should undergo sa isang counseling para na rin mawala ang phobia ko and to help me heal my traumas from my past. 

"So, what is your phobia called again?"

I tied my hair into a messy bun that's my mannerism every time na kinakabahan ako. Mahilig kasi ako na ilugay ang buhok ko, but when I'm nervous I would always tie it into a bun.

"Melophobia, fear of music. Pero hindi naman lahat ng kanta ang kinatatakutan ko, unlike sa ibang cases ng melophobia. I'm just afraid to hear this certain song, just this one song."

The psychiatrist in front of me took a sip from her cup of coffee and she faced me again.

"Sometimes a phobia came from a traumatic experience from the past, traumatic experience din ba ang dahilan ng phobia mo?"

I nodded as a response.

"When did your phobia started?"

"When I was 13 years old..."

"I've heard from your father na because of your phobia ay homeschooled ka for almost 5 years."

"Grade 7 to Grade 11, sa bahay lang ako nag-aaral. Noong Grade 7 ako, 1 week akong nag-aral sa isang normal na school because one of classmate played the song that I fear and that was the time we discovered na may phobia na ako sa kantang 'yon," I said and the memories from the past suddenly flashed back.

"You're 17 and turning grade 12 already? Sabi ng Dad mo you want to go sa isang normal na school."

I sighed. "I want to live a normal life. Hindi pwedeng habang buhay akong manatili rito sa apat na sulok ng bahay namin."

"Last question, what made you fear that certain song? And what is that song?"

My tears started to fall unknowingly because of that question.

"I'm not forcing you to answer my question," Dr. Madeline sadly mumbled.

"The song that I fear is Tonight by FM Static. It used to be my favorite song. It was one rainy night, nasa byahe kami no'n, my Dad, Mom and me. Habang nasa byahe that song played on our car's radio, sumasabay pa kami ng parents ko sa pagkanta. And then while we're singing the chorus part, a truck suddenly bumped our car. Then my Mom died..."

The song I used to love before is the song I fear the most right now.

"Do you really want to live a normal life? Go to a normal school? Make friends? And overcome your phobia?" Dr. Madeline asked and I nodded.

"I badly wanted to."

She smiled. "I'm here to help you. I promise you, you'll make friends. I can see you right now as a dark sky, but you'll soon meet stars. Don't worry Lyra Celestia, you'll soon be a sky full of stars."

Me? A sky full of stars?

I hope so.

When Dr. Madeline left ay agad akong pumasok sa kwarto. I'm so tired of living as the modern Rapunzel. Nakakasawa rin na umiikot lang ang buhay ko dito sa bahay namin. I'm the only child and ang tangi kong kasama sa bahay ay si Aunt Sally ang kapatid ng Daddy ko wala kasi s'yang anak at dito s'ya nakatira sa bahay namin. Si Daddy kasi ay seaman kaya minsan lang s'ya kung umuwi dito sa bahay. Since minsan lang umuwi si Daddy ay si Aunt Sally ang nag-aasikaso sa coffeeshop business namin.

I immediately turned on the aircon pagpasok ko sa kwarto. I grabbed my bullet journal and my favorite music box. Tuwing nagsusulat ako sa journal ko ay gusto ko na pakinggan ang tugtog mula sa music box because it really calms me.

After how many minutes of writing ay napatingin ako sa wall clock, it's almost 5:00 p.m. Agad akong tumayo at sumilip sa bintana. Tuwing 5:00 p.m. ay nagsisilabasan na ang mga studyante sa isang University na malapit lang sa bahay namin. May iilang studyante na dumadaan sa harap ng bahay namin kaya ay sumisilip ako kasi naiinggit ako sa kanila. Sana normal din ang pamumuhay ko. And truth be told, inaantay ko rin sila na dumaan.

For almost how many years of staring at the window ay palagi kong napapansin ang isang lalaki. Kasama n'ya ang mga kaibigan n'ya tuwing dumadan sila sa bahay namin. Minsan nag-aasaran sila, minsan ay nagtatawanan.

His smile is the first thing that caught my attention, napaka-genuine kasi ng ngiti n'ya.

Finally, dumaan na s'ya.

He's with his friends once again. 4 silang magkakaibigan, 3 of them are boys at isang boyish na babae. They were laughing like they're talking about something funny. Sana isa rin ako sa kanila. Sana may kaibigan rin ako.

I took my polaroid camera and I took a photo of them. Nang lumabas na ang litrato mula sa camera ay agad na akong bumalik sa kama ko.

I stared at the photo, they looked so happy, they looked like a typical filipino barkada na nagsisiyahan tuwing uwian.

While staring at the photo ay napako ang aking attention sa lalaking 'yon, possible ba na crush ko s'ya?

He has this tanned skin, messy hair at kahit sa malayo lang ako nakatanaw pansin ko pa rin na mahaba ang pilik mata n'ya at makapal ang kilay n'ya, he also has this perfectly shaped nose and most of all the smile from his lips is my favorite.

It's really rare to see a genuine smile kasi. At ang ngiti na 'yon naman ang unang nagpabilis ng tibok ng puso ko.

I heaved a deep sigh because of my thoughts.

Kung mag-aaral ako sa University na 'yon next year, magiging kaklase ko kaya sila?

Magiging kaibigan ko kaya sila?

Ano kaya ang pangalan ng lalaking 'yon?

And the greatest question in my mind is,

How can I overcome my phobia?