inevitable | sooshu

what happened?

If you were to ask any member what Shuhua hated most, they would say, "wearing a heavy shirt. The girl isn't ever cold." That's why they were all confused when Shuhua, everyday, kept coming out of her room in a long, heavy shirt.

Their confusion grew when Shuhua completely cut off all contact with Soojin, except for when they were on camera, where as she just stopped her affection, as well as using pet names, and didn't sit next to her unless she had to. Soojin wouldn't lie and say that she wasn't hurt by this; the girl loved Shuhua even though she doesn't show it, and being ignored by her hurt.

Shuhua resorted to using her diary often, these days. This was the only way that she could get all of her pain off her chest without alarming anyone. She knew that once they knew, all hell would break loose. So, she wrote, and wrote, and wrote. She wrote until her bandaged hand "that she hurt during dance practice" wouldn't move anymore. Tear drops stained her journal, but it was the only way for her. She wouldn't risk having anyone find out.

Miyeon loved her mugs. She collected many different ones from different states and countries, and Shuhua just so happened to have borrowed her Canada mug, and never gave it back. Miyeon walked in Shuhua's room, to look for the mug, when she noticed a book sitting on her bed. "What is this?" Miyeon thought. She soon realized it was a diary, Shuhua's diary in fact. She knew it was wrong to read it, but the girls knew something was up, and maybe she could get her answer if she read the journal.

Dear Diary,

Just as soon as I thought I was getting better, Soojin announced that she has a boyfriend. It was pathetic; I can't believe my heart can break even more, especially for someone who isn't actually mine. His name is Hui, of Pentagon. Who wouldn't want to date him over me? I'm worthless.

Miyeon started to tear up; she never knew Shuhua felt like this. She kept turning the pages, trying to look for something else, until she found the newest entry.

Dear Diary,

I'm starting to loose hope in all aspects of my life. I'm the worst idol out there. CUBE knows it too. I'm surprised I've even been debuted to be quite honest. Idle would be so much better as a 5 member group; I'm just a weak link.

I can't even stand being near Soojin anymore. It makes me sick to my stomach, the fact that even being around her makes my heart hurt. The bruises from Hui still haven't cleared, my stomach still kills every time I try to move, and my wrists are still black and blue from him holding me down. Every time I see her, I think about what a disgrace I am. He was right, I should stay away from her. For good. It's a waste loving her when she already has him.

Miyeon let out the breath she was holding. How come she never knew about this? It made so much sense, why Shuhua passed out the night when Soojin announced her new boyfriend, why she's been wearing long shirts even though she hated it, and especially why she's been avoiding Soojin, the girl she always looked up to. She needed to talk to Shuhua, and fast.

She stomped into the living room, alarming the four members that were relaxing and watching the television. "Where is Shuhua?" Miyeon practically screamed. "I wouldn't know, she's been avoiding me." Soojin frowned. Yuqi locked eyes with Miyeon; she knew. "She's downstairs practicing. Why?" Minnie asked, innocently, but Miyeon bolted away before she could get an answer, leaving three confused members and Yuqi with a pale face.

Miyeon jumped down the stairs, and saw Shuhua practicing. "Shuhua!" Miyeon yelled, causing the younger girl to be quite alarmed. "Why are you yelling?" Shuhua asked. "Sit down please. We need to talk." Miyeon commanded.

Shuhua and Miyeon were awkwardly sitting down in the center of the practice room, and Shuhua was waiting for Miyeon to start talking. "Why didn't you tell me?" Miyeon started, her voice already threatening to break. "What? Are you alright, unnie?" Shuhua responded.

"I know everything. I know about how you love Soojin. I know about how Hui abused you, and I know about how doubtful you're feeling about yourself. Why didn't you tell me?" Miyeon whispered softly, tears were aligning themselves on her cheek. Shuhua froze; this is what she was afraid of.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I didn't want you worrying about me, this shouldn't be your battle, it's mine." Shuhua admitted. "You don't have to go through this alone, Shu. I'm assuming that Yuqi knows too, right?" Miyeon asked softly. "Yes, she does." Shuhua whispered again. "Let us help you. You don't have to face every battle alone." Miyeon begged, and at last, Shuhua complied.

Shuhua was comfortable in Miyeon's arms; she felt safe for the first time in days. It felt amazing to for someone to finally understand how she was feeling. It amazed her that someone was still willing to be kind enough to understand her, and to help her. She was just afraid of the feeling that kept coming back to her: that something irreversible would happen soon.