"I look okay right?" I ask Awsten quietly before I even attempt to go talk to the blue eyes guy who might be my soulmate. Awsten fixes the collar of my red flannel and gives me a thumbs up. Bet, time to embarrass myself.
I smile and start walking over to the counter. Wait is it creepy to smile? I stop smiling but realize I might look rude. With a confused half smile I realize I'm already standing in front of him. Shit. "Shit- shit!" I start panicking because I'm accidentally saying shit instead of thinking it. "Shhhhh," my face goes red and I cover my mouth.
The josh guy smiles but looks confused. "I'm sorry," I say and look back at Awsten who nods for me to talk to him. Ugh, I turn back to the awkward guy. Or is it me who's awkward?
"Its fine but uh.. it could just be a coincidence but 'shit' is the word I got.. y-you dont happen to have something I said.. or.. uh.." he says scratching the back of his head looking hopeful.
When I get excited my tics get worse. I can feel the tics coming. I smile and blush. He's my soulmate. I accidentally stomp my foot. "Y-yes, you said-" someone drops something behind me making my anxiety rise. I need Awsten to take me out my feet aren't cooperating. I stomp again. "Welcome to Starbucks, fuck off- Fuck off!" I yell fuck off and everyone looks at me.
Josh still looks happy but confused and like he doesn't know what to say or do. I chomp down and in process I bit my tongue hard. My face scrunches up and I look back to see Awsten is coming over. "Are you uh- okay?" Josh says and I wait for Awsten.
"This is kellin, he's bad at introducing himself. He might be calmer if we could talk outside?" Awsten says to josh and puts his hand on my back.
Blood fills my mouth so I pit my hand over my mouth. I bit it too hard.. "okay. Um-" josh looks at the register and then the other door. "Could you hold on? I'm going to run and get Oli to cover for me," he says and Awsten tells him we'll be outside. Josh goes one way and we go the other.
Awsten leads me out and I spit all the blood out onto the grass. "I bit my tongue," I say and wipe my mouth.
"Uh, want me to get napkins?" He asks.
"No I'm just- ughhh- I embarrassed myself in front of him. Like. I don't know what to say when he gets here because I'm not good with people and he's a person," I whine and swallow my the blood. Its hardly bleeding now.
"Its fine, I'll help," he says and I sigh.
"What if I faint?" I ask and he grabs my face with both hands.
"Stop. Being. So. Silly. Just let yourself be you hand have fun," he says and I nod. I can do this.
"Did you see him though? He's hot," I say and we start laughing. He's attractive, I might not have known I was gay but apparently I am so I should have fun with it before it becomes a pain in the ass.
The door opens and josh comes out blushing. "Sorry, he was being grumpy. But uh- Hi I'm Josh," he says and holds out his hand to shake my hand.
"Kellin likes hugs and doesn't go to church because he's scared to shake people's hands," Awsten stays as soon as josh puts his hand up. I blush and Awsten like the cunt he is pushes me towards josh. Josh then steps forward as I stumble and hugs me.
I like hugs.. my face goes hot and I hug back. After a moment I pull back completely red faced. "I have Tourettes so I'm sorry if I do random things or insult you," I say and he smiles a little.
"You don't have to apologize but thank you for clearing that up," he says and I realize I'm standing pretty close to him so I take a step back and smile nervously.
"Would you like to- fuck!- not fuck, would you like to exchange numbers?" I say trying to ignore my tics. Awsten starts laughing and I pout.
"Yes, definitely," he says and gives me his phone. I give him mine and type in my number. Please dont let me throw his phone or drop it. We switch phones again so I have mine and I feel a little relieved that nothing happened to his phone.
"Frisbee!" I say as I throw my phone. All of us watch my phone hit the sidewalk. "Oh shit," I say and giggle when I see josh looking at me surprised.
Awsten goes to retrieve my phone and we watch him. "Do you do that a lot?" Josh asks.
"Yeah, it's why I have a 60 dollar phone and all my dishes are plastic," I say and he nods more to himself. Awsten brings me my phone and I cringe when I see the fresh cracks. "Thanks Awsten," I say.
Awsten looks at josh and then me. "Its cool you found your soulmate but we need to get to the college so we can make sure we have our rooms," Awsten says and I look at josh. He seems really cool.
"I live on campus and uh, well, my room is supposed to have 4 people and right now it's just me and Oli. It would be better to have you two instead of two random people? But if you already had plans-" he doesn't seem like he's going to stop talking so Awsten interrupts him.
"Sure, what's the room number and stuff?" He asks and Josh smiles. I really love his smile, his teeth are sexy. Josh tells him the information and I more or less stare at Josh. This is so weird, I didn't think I would ever find my soulmate. What do we even do? Are we going to date instantly like most or will we be friends first?
How does this even work. I over thought about if it was going to happen I hardly planned on what I would do once I found him. Him. He's a guy. That just blows my mind. How do gay people do things? Is it different? Wait am I supposed to act like a girl or something? Would he do that? How does one be gay?
"Faggot," yikes I should blurt that out. Josh looks at me and I blush. "Sorry," I say and he smiles awkwardly and says something to Awsten before giving me more attention.
"I'll see you.. Later?" He says and I blush more.
"Yeah of course. I'll be moving on campus Friday so I'll see you in two days," I say clinching my hands. I'm so glad I took my medication today. My tics aren't to bad right now. Can I hug him bye? Would that be weird?
"How long will you be there today?" He asks and looks at his watch. I look at Josh because he knows more than me.
"I heard we have to do a lot of paperwork and I wanted to walk around campus so maybe until 4?" Awsten says and I nod in agreement.
"Awe, I work until 6. Well I'll text you later?" He asks me and I go to day something but instead I start barking like a small annoying dog. I cover my mouth but I continue to bark.
"Yeah text him, he says bye," Awsten tells josh and I start walking to the car still barking. It's like my body isn't fully mine. I hardly ever have full control over myself. I get into Awstens car and look out the window to see josh wave at me before going into Starbucks and Awsten halfway to the car.
After a moment the noises subsided leaving me tired. No it's not the barking that's making me tired. "I'm going to pass out," I tell Awsten.
"Make sure-"
My vision goes black and all thoughts and feelings vanish. Time to sleep.
I've never really got hate on any of my books but I just want to say something. I dont have Tourette's or anything like it so what I write is from what I look up and see.
Thoughts on kellin?
Josh?
Awsten?
Fainting?
Soulmate?
