Everything is blurry and confusing for a moment as my brain collects itself and realizes I'm awake. "How do you feel?" Awsten asks as I sit up from my slumped position. My eyes are heavy and head a bit fuzzy.
"Tired- are we here?" I say looking out my window to see the college. He doesn't answer because its obvious that we are here. I rub my eyes and unbuckle. Awsten is signing paper and stuff.
"I signed some things using your signature for you. Its almost done and I'm going to run in and give them to the receptionist. We dont have to stay," he says. I'm really thankful I have Awsten. He's like my my own service dog but human.
"If you let me take a nap here you can walk around by yourself. I don't mind," I tell him and he smiles. Awsten loves me and I feel like I might be slightly jealous when im not his favorite person. He's going to find his soulmate and forget about me.
"Are you sure?" He asks.
"Yeah. I love you, you know that right?" I say and he frowns.
"You're not dying right? Dont say you love, my kells calls me names not confesses his undying love-" he starts serious but then starts getting jokingly. I laugh and shrug.
"Who knows, but I just wanted you to know. It must be hard to be my friend," I says and he leans over for a hug. I hug him and its brief but meaningful.
"I love you too. But no dying. I'll be back in a second- or actually I'm going to turn these in and walk around," he says and I nod and recline my chair as he leaves, fainting makes me feel exhausted for the rest of the day.
Syncope is the medical term for fainting or passing out. It is caused by a temporary drop in the amount of blood that flows to the brain. It can happen if you have a sudden drop in blood pressure, a drop in heart rate, or changes in the amount of blood in areas of your body. My doctor says its not life threatening but I'm not allowed to drive or anything like that because I could pass out or my tourettes could make me get in a crash.
I faint about 5-15 times a day for usually only a few minutes but I think I was unconscious for way longer this time. I'll tell my doctor on my check up but it's not like it's never happened before. Once I was out for 3 hours.
Slowly I fall asleep naturally.
-
Hitting my face against something hard makes me pull back and cover my face. Ouch. I sit up and shrug a few times. Awstens still not back. I hit my elbow onto the door. I feel like I have no control. Theres so many hard things around. I get out of the car and click my tongue.
I'm fine.
Arm spasms make my arms tense up and jerk around. Occasionally I hit the side of my head or my forehead with my palm or wrists. I've had this since I was 12 yet it still freaks me out when I have as little of control as I do now. My body convulses in different ways for a moment and then its but me making clicking sounds with my tongue.
I sit down next to the car on the curb and sigh. My muscles ache from moving so much. I take out my phone to text Awsten but see Josh texted me.
Josh: I'm sorry if we didn't have the best first impression, maybe I could make it up by taking you to the movies?
Me: that's very sweet but movie theaters kick me out because I ruin people's experience.. maybe
"Send," I smash the send button. Ugh, I didn't want to send that yet.
Me: maybe we could go to a
"Boop" my thumb hits send. He's reading each text but hasn't started typing.
Me: sorr
"Bop it to start," I look around to make sure nobody is listening or watching me. Thank god nobody is. I start typing but my stupid fingers keep pressing the back button.
Josh: would calling be better? I just got off work
Unexpectedly I toss my phone straight up and frantically catch it.
Me: no
I set my phone down and yank my hair. "Ouch," I want cry because how frustrating it is. I cant function normally. Repeatedly I pull my hair but from behind someone (probably Awsten) grabs my hand and puts it to the side of my head so its not pulling.
"Think about letting go," Awsten says and sits next to me but still holding my wrist. It doesn't work like that. I lean against him and get a little control so I hug him.
"I snort cocaine." Awsten chuckles when I say that.
"Sure you do kell," he says rubbing my back.
"I was actually thinking about getting my doctor to prescribe me marijuana because it apparantly helps a lot," I say muffled into his shoulder. If I pull away I might smack my face into his or hit myself more so I stay there.
"That sounds good, but no cocaine or any drugs like that mister," he says and I nod. I dont like the thought of those drugs.
"Awsten? Do you really think Josh is going to love me? Like, I'm kinda a handful- handsome but a handful," I say and he continues to rub my back.
"Yeah, he'll love you. He looked really excited to meet you and didn't get weirded out when you had tics," he says.
Him saying tics makes my brain think it's time to tick. The noise I make is unholy and make me jump out of his arms and cover my face. Awsten starts laughing and I start blushing. "Shhhhh," I whine.
His face us red and he's laughing but it's not like how people at school laughed at me. No, he's laughing more with me even though in not laughing. If I told him it wasn't funny seriously he wouldn't laugh. It was funny but embarrassing for me. "Dont moan on me and then tell me to shh, nasty," he says causing me to giggle.
Awsten deals with me like how a real friend should. If he didn't laugh it would be hella awkward and might seem a little sad because I literally can control these things I do. People pity me a lot and I hate it. But I also hate bullys. I want to be treated normal and that's what Awsten does.
If Awsten wasn't here I probably wouldn't be here either.
Thoughts?
I didn't sleep last night
Rawr
Theories so far?
