Oli's pov
"Kellin, I got her pregnant," I say and his eyes go wide. Warm tears slide down my cheeks and I feel so empty and broken.
Kellin's eyes go to the grave and I feel the darkness inside of me trying to drag me down. Kellin doesn't understand that I'm a bad person. I caused Vic to cut. I caused Josh to hate me. I caused hannah to kill herself.
My parents hate me and my life is fucked up. "Y-you have a baby?" Kellin stutters out looking confused. The sadness is covered with numbness as I wipe my tears away.
He is looking at me with wide eyes he is so naive. I touch the side of his face and feel his soft skin. So innocent and naive of the darkness in the world. He doesn't realize I'm the bad guy. He thinks I'm actually a good human.
Silly boy.
"Had, she died," I mumble and kellin freezes and he looks surprised and shocked. He grabs my hand and goes silent. Tears brim in his eyes and I don't understand. Why would he cry?
He hugs me and starts crying. Humans are so weird but I really like this one. Its neat. I wrap my arms around him and think.
I hate that I cant tell the truth. I'm always lying. The truth is: I was dating hannah before I dated josh. Me and hannah's words matched. She said 'lovely day,' to me, the words I was waiting to here.
'Its beautiful,' I had replayed to her and she said those were her words. We pulled out our ID's to confirm it and it was real. I found my soulmate. The time we had together was beautiful.
Even though we were both diagnosed with some form of depression we were still happy together. But one day she started getting distant.. I didn't know why at first but after a while of arguing and fighting all the time she explained that she's pregnant.
Of course I was scared, she was too. I was 23, that's young to start a family. At least to me it is. We decided we'd keep the baby and get married even though we only known each other for two months.
After she had the baby and I was a dad I got words on my wrist.. 'hey'.. I freaked out.. cut my wrist to get ride of it. Our baby was sick, hannah was depressed and worried about me, I was confused and stressed. I stopped loving her but I loved our baby.. I loved lily..
I was already going to college and josh was my friend but I felt so hopeless with my family and like they didn't want me.. Josh said hey to me as soon as I got the word on my wrist, he of course didn't know about hannah or my baby because I'm not a open type of guy..
I dated him for a month but lily died in her sleep while I was out with josh. Hannah was devastated and then figured out I was cheating and killed herself.
When I came home to a dead family I died too. All the happiest and love I had was destroyed.
I blamed josh in my mind for so long but it's my fault. I tried to kill myself but sadly I failed. "I was a dad for two months," I whisper with no emotion. It's all my fault. I should have helped Hannah.
Theres so many things I could have changed. If hannah wasn't doing meth our baby wouldn't have been sick. If I loved hannah more she wouldn't have killed herself. I'm the reason she was depressed.
"What was their name?" He asks with tears all over his cheeks.
"Lily.." I say.
I haven't said her name in two years..
Kellin wipes tears away. "I'm sorry," he says and I see Awsten peek in. He sees us and then leaves instantly. Its neat that kellin has such a good friend..
Kellin doesn't see him so he continues. "Why didn't you tell josh? He'll be shocked but not hate you," kellin says. It's not that simple.. I would have to tell josh the full story and I cant do that.
I sigh and rub my face.
"I was with her before me and josh dated. He's just going to think he was just some distraction," I tell him and he looks lost. He swallows hard and moves some of his hair behind his ear.
"I-.. but.. josh might-.. how about we go back to the dorm so you can get cleaned up?" He realize I'm right and changes the topic. I shake my head.
I'm not going back to the dorm. I dont want to see Josh, not after he told me he loves me. See I lied there, I said I cheated on him with hannah because I didn't feel like he loved me. It's TRUE, I didn't think he loved me but I dated him because I needed love but hannah didn't love me towards the end.
"I'm staying here," I say and he frowns.
"Because you dont want to see josh?" He asks and I nod. "Do you want to come to my house? I'm thinking about skipping tomorrow and then I have three days off because Friday, Saturday, and Sunday," he says and I shrug.
I'm fine with sleeping on dirt, it's what I deserve. He grabs my hand and starts dragging me away from the gazebo. I wipe my eyes and he takes me to Awsten's car. I got some random guy who has one of my classes to drop me off here so my car is still at college.
Awsten looks at us and kellin opens the back door and gets in dragging me in. "Take me home please?" He asks his friend.
"Sure, is everything okay?" He asks as he starts to drive.
"I don't know, school sucks and I need a break and I'm going to kidnap Oli because my parents wont want to have to deal with me alone," he says. He nods and kellin lays down in the seat and puts his head in my lap.
Kellin still seems sad about hearing about what happened. I don't see how he can be so sad, it's not like he watched her be born, kissed her forehead, talked to her, sang to her.. he's never even seen her yet he cried hearing she died.
I play with the younger boys hair as he plays with the holes in my pants. I wonder what his parents are like. Are they anything like mine?
Words: 1111
Im probably going to take a real break after this fic because I have to start getting my GED and random shit so... maybe no more stories for a long time.
Hopefully I can finish this story
What did you think about Oli's story?
