At my table Oli sits next to me and my mom in front of us. It's been a few minutes since we started eating and nothing is awkward except my brain and thoughts.
I just have pretty much my first sexual experience with someone not even a hour ago and now me and him are pretending that didn't happen as we eat with my mom. Or they eat, I'm having trouble with my body. I slap my cup but nothing spills because I already drank everything from it.
"See, that's why," my mom says and I groan. She doesn't see it but that really hurts. All are dishs are plastic and she wont fill my cup up more than a few sips at a time because I spill it everywhere all the time. It makes me feel like a baby. Not the cute one that gets all the positive attention and love.
I feel like I'm annoying and depend on everyone to do everything for me that I can do. "But it's annoying to keep refilling it," i say as she picks up my cup that feel by her feel.
"Well it's more annoying when you spill cranberry juice all over my white carpet," she says in a matter of fact way.
"Nobody loves you- go kill your-" I say uncontrollably. I throw my head back and then shake my head. Fuck off tics. "Fuck off-'' Its not like I go blind or anything so as I'm ticing I see my mom looking worried and Oli looking at her and then me.
Most of my tics are small but I cant stop myself from getting up and spinning in a circle. I sit down as soon as possible. "Fuck me," I say and grab oli's cup and put it over his head. "Be free! Swim away!" I yell but feel really bad about my actions.
"Kellin!" My mom yells.
"Its fine, I was feeling a little hot anyways," oli says calmly.
I start yiping but my physical tics lessen to just clunching my hands and tapping my foot. "S-sorry- fuck off," I say to oli because I feel like I might cry. I dumped his drink over his head and now his hair, face, and clothes have cranberry juice staining it.
Oli wipes cranberry juice away from his eyes and my mom gives him napkins. "Dont apologize for tics. It's just juice," he say as he wipes the paper towels across his face and neck.
I sigh and look at my spaghetti that's all over the table. I ate most of it but the rest is everywhere, mainly on me. "I'll clean up, go take baths and play or whatever guys do," she says and starts cleaning.
Oli gets up with me and I trip myself almost immediately. He catches me and picks me up. "No, I can walk, stooppp," I say not wanting him to treat me like a baby.
"I know you can. I just want to so shut up," he says in a harsh tone but the words aren't harsh in meaning. I hug on to him shutting up. He might be wet with juice but he's comfortable. I get spaghetti sauce and noodles on him as he gets cranberry juice on me.
He takes me up to my room and puts me down. He's over a foot taller than me so I take a step back so i don't have to look up at a weird angle. We need to get clean. "You should take another shower," I say and he shrugs a little.
"You can take one and I'll just change and then rinse my hair after," he says.
I've said it before but I'll say it again; I'm scared of taking baths alone because I'll accidentally drown. I don't want to die. But if I did maybe people would be happier- no, my parents and friends will be sad. I'd be gone, and that's just a no no.
"Can you stay in the bathroom with me as I take a bubble bath? Just like.. play on your phone or something.. I dont know I just want to take a bath but I dont want to drown and if you are there you can make sure I dont die," I ramble. He nods and goes to my bathroom so I start finding clothes for him and me.. we changed so many times already. Well for the amount of time we've been here.
I sigh to myself as I think about my mom. She loves me but she babies me to much.
Let's hope this bath goes by smoothly..
Thoughts
Theories?
