Only His ✔

Chapter 24

Warning - this chapter may contain subjects that may be triggering for some readers. Reader discretion is advised. Please don't read if you suffer with suicidal thoughts and depression. And remember that I'm always here if you need to talk to someone.

ALICE POV

It had been three days since Antonio left abruptly. I was in such a state that I hadn't really noticed his departure but a guard had informed me that he had to return back to Italy regarding a business problem. He had also given me a credit card at his bosses request. That meant that I was allowed to move around the hotel but couldn't leave and I had a lot of money to spend. I had some freedom but knew I was always being watched and protected even if it was from a distance so it was all just a sick illusion. I could go to the spa, hotel restaurant, pool and shops but it was only because Antonio was allowing me to.

Despite this, I still hadn't really left the room apart from when I asked for a room change. The guards were surprisingly okay with this (so I could only assume that my kidnapper was too). I couldn't spend another minute in that room. Every time I looked at the awful memories of Antonio's brutal raping flashed before my eyes.

The first day I didn't even moved from the bed. That is until I was handed a credit card and wanted to move away from the traumatizing site. I then discovered room service. But it wasn't food and sweets that I longed for. It was the alcohol. I instantly ordered an unhealthy amount of the stuff, not caring that I would be drinking such copious amounts on an empty stomach. I just needed to forget and to regain the feeling of bliss that Antonio had so cruelly stolen from me. At this moment, I didn't really care about getting extremely ill because I just didn't see any point in protecting myself while at such an evil man's disposal.

It was now day three of Antonio's absence and I had made my way through a bottle of white wine and another of red. It took me a few hours on day two in order to finally decide that I was in need of something much stronger and that wine wasn't enough to do the trick. I moved on to vodka and whisky along with numerous colorful cocktails. I simply spent my days drinking until I passed out and then would order more once I woke up. I knew it wasn't healthy what I was doing to my body and had been shocked that the guards hadn't confiscated my drink supply yet or at the very least, suspended my allowance.

Eventually, I couldn't help but let the dark thoughts enter my mind. I was in so much pain - both mental and physical - I didn't need to be a psychologist to see that. I felt so worthless, it didn't matter what I did because a trail of misery just followed close behind me wherever I seemed to go. The first example was my relationship with Ryan. I recalled all the days where he would beat me, belt me and do whatever else in such an unmerciful way that I'd just wish my heart would give up in a way to save me. Then there was now. I was nothing but a toy for Antonio to do with whatever he pleased. His only intention was to beat and screw me into submission until he had complete and utter control over my mind and my body. What if the pain never ended? What if I spent the rest of my life waiting for my turn to die. Was it really worth surviving this excuse for a life? I knew that the only way to get out of this situation was for Antonio to loose interest in me but I had no idea when that time would come or if it ever would. My life couldn't just go back to normal afterwards either if he did free me. I'd never be able to return to my line of work due to my presumed post dramatic shock, what would my life be like. I had no experience in anything else so who knows what it would be like to restart my life. But I could just end all of this pain.

I knew that having ideas like these whilst drunk was a dangerous road to head down, but maybe it was better to follow through with such plans. I could kill myself now in a alcohol induced state in an Antonio free environment. I mean, that was bound to be as good as it could get for me right now.