A soft whimper rose from deep within his throat, and despite how desperately he tried to keep it from falling, it escaped through his parted lips without his consent.
"You like it when I talk to you like that?" If he was being honest - and he wasn't. No, he was already telling himself a hundred different lies in some insane attempt to make this all okay - he liked it when Jungkook spoke to him at all. It didn't even matter what he was saying.
"Yes." That word came unbidden, and he wondered when the filter between his mind and his mouth had stopped working. "I like it when you praise me, daddy."
In the end, it would do absolutely nothing to actually help fix the issues he had. All of the praise and all of the compliments in the world couldn't fix the problems that plagued him every single day. Not even therapy had been able to cure those intrusive thoughts or all of that self doubt.
But to hear those words in that voice, coming from someone like Jungkook did something to him. Made his chest feel a little less tight. Made his skin tingle and his heart race. Made liquid heat pool low in his belly and down into his thighs.
"I wish I could see you right now, baby. So I could tell you how pretty you are for me." Those darks eyes glanced down at himself, and the thought that if Jungkook could see him right now he most definitely would not think he was pretty flashed into his mind.
Skin tight black leggings may have been comfortable - and if he were pressed, he might even admit that they made his ass look absolutely gorgeous, the only portion of his body that even had trouble finding fault with. But most didn't think they were exactly appropriate for him to wear, considering they had been found and purchased from the woman's section. But the bright yellow shirt he wore was long and hung low, hitting his mid- thigh and effectively hiding just how well they showed off all of his assets. If only the color wasn't so loud and didn't draw so much attention to begin with. Sometimes he cursed himself for his own likes, for his own past decisions. Sure he may have felt comfortable and confident wearing bold yellow or pale pink, but they certainly drew people's eyes directly towards him.
His hair was a mess, and he was certain there were no traces of makeup left on his skin. Only his intense skin regimen that he followed religious in an attempt to make his face glow from within. Could he really actually show himself off right now? Could he be that brave?
"Would you like a picture daddy?" There was no going back once those words had been uttered, and he held his breath as he waited for the answer to come.
"Mm, daddy would love that." He should have been expecting that. He knew that he should have. But there was still an air of surprise that cam along with those words. That Jungkook would actually want to see him was absolutely shocking.
His fingers hesitated for a moment as they hovered over the buttons on his phone, moving to place the call on speaker before opening he camera app. Sure, there was probably something already in his memory that would work - for some one who had such low self esteem, he definitely took enough pictures of himself. Once he had thought that it was some lame attempt to make himself see whatever everyone else seemingly did. But that never once worked. Now he mostly just kept them as a reminder that he could, occasionally, look attractive if he worked hard enough at it.
Or how ugly he looked when he made certain faces.
Lifting the phone above his head, he tried to hit the angle he had already perfected. Laying on his back made everything fall just so, his hair sweeping across his forehead and into his eyes. Puckered up his lips just a little so it looked like he was blowing a kiss. He took at least ten, all just slightly different, with changes that only he would ever really notice, trying to work up that same energy he had used to make the offer to actually send it.
But he could hear Jungkook breathing on the other end of the line, and it drew him out of all that insecurity. Had him choosing one where his lips were curled up just so, like he knew something no one else did. It was sort of fun and flirty and he liked how looking at it made him feel. As if he couldn't believe that him and the person in the picture were one in the same.
Biting his lip, he took a deep breath before opening the texting app, searching Jungkook's number in his contacts and imputing the picture. It took another four heart beats for him to finally press send, teeth sinking into the flesh of his lip so harshly it practically drew blood.
"Just for you, daddy." As if he had anyone else on earth who actually wanted to see pictures of him.
"Damn." It was a low whisper, like a cross between a moan and an exhale, and such a simple thing shouldn't send a bolt of heat straight through him. "You're so gorgeous baby. When can daddy see you again?"
There was no actual harm in letting Jungkook see him again, was there?
But there was. And he was entirely and completely aware that there was. Even without the added complication of the situation that the other was currently involved in - just how could they stand to constantly do that to one another? Be each other's everything one moment and then be absolutely nothing to one another the next? He knew his heart would never be able to take it. But there was no hope for him, for this other situation that he was now inserting himself into to ever be anything more. And he knew that he should save himself the pain and the heart break and just say no.
But he had never been capable of doing what was good for him.
"Whenever you want." It wasn't as if he had a full schedule, people just bursting down his door begging for a moment of his time.
"Don't say that. I'd have you right now if I could." Later on, he would never understand why he actually proceeded to say the thing that he did. No, he would only know that he said it.
"Why can't you?" Taehyung wasn't home, and it was entirely likely that he wasn't going to be back any time soon. It was impossible to deny all of the loneliness he felt when he was left to himself. And there was someone so willingly offering to fill that space.
"Missing me already baby?" It was light and teasing and he wanted to say no. He did. He really, honestly and truly did.
"Yes." He missed that feeling of being wanted. Of someone pretending like they cared about him, even if it was only for a little while. "Please come to me daddy. I'm so lonely."
It was the truth, but somehow he managed to spin it just so, to make his voice sound like a sexy, low whine instead of the emotion filled whimper that threatened to release.
"Send me your address." Were they really doing this? Was he really about to let this man know where he lived? Was he really about to basically become someone's booty call? Just how little self respect did he actually have left? But he was already typing it in to the text box, only waiting a single heart beat this time before hitting send. There was a soft sound on the other end, and he heard Jungkook shift the phone in order to open the message. "Such a good boy. I'll be there in twenty. Oh, and baby?"
"Yeah?" Twenty minutes. Would he even be able to survive that amount of time without his heart exploding inside of his chest?
"Make sure you're ready for daddy. Wear those panties I like." As if he didn't already have them on right now, only it was a tiny little scrap of black silk that didn't really cover anything. Would those be good enough? He was already shoving himself up, intent to go dig through his drawers to find something that may actually be suitable.
