There was still so much he didn't know.
It was a realization that only came to light because Hoseok had asked a question, and the knowledge that he didn't know the answer had sunk in like an anchor dropping off a ship in the middle of the ocean.
He didn't even know Jungkook's last name. An exceptionally embarrassing moment that had him rushing to try and cover his own lask of knowledge.
They were out shopping. An activity that he had always been mostly indifferent too, and then out right hated once he had started doing it with Taehyung. Sitting idly by while his friend who was descended from the kind of money he could only dream of tried on clothes he would likely never wear wasn't his idea of a fun time.
But Hoseok made everything into an adventure. They would make it into a game. Set an intention at the beginning and both make their own interpretation of it. And while Taehyung had always encouraged him to try new things that were far out of his comfort zone, Hoseok's suggestions were different. Why not try those leggings he loved so much in a different color or pattern? Why not take the cut of shirt he liked and find it in a slightly different style? His wardrobe had slowly started to expand with solid pieces that he would actually wear, and he was forever grateful.
They were currently looking for sweaters. Anything with a high enough neck that he wouldn't have to call in emergency services again. Taehyung had told him to keep the sweater, had even left another behind that he was wearing now. The cream complimenting his dark hair and pale features, the large glasses and black dress pants giving him an air of class he hadn't been expecting.
Which meant he had to take a picture. Which meant he had to send it to Jungkook. There was a little rose garden in the center of the nearby courtyard, and he used the late blooms to his advantage. Sat down on the cold, hard edge of the concrete and lifted the phone above his head, making his lips form into a cute little pout as he snapped the picture.
'These mean I love you'
"You guys make me sick." But Hoseok sounded so incredibly amused and fond that he couldn't help but laugh just a little at the fake gag that accompanied the words.
"Don't be jealous." Tucking his phone away, he reached out and plucked up the bag containing his purchases, before tugging up the collar of his sweater, adjusting it carefully to make sure it still covered everything properly. "Where should we go next?"
"Well -" Hobi was always invading his personal space, coming in close and linking their free arms together. "You said you wanted to get something special for your boy, right?"
"Yeah but -" It was so embarrassing. The things he liked was so incredibly embarrassing and no one else who had ever found out - weather by accident or intention - had ever understood. "Maybe I should go alone."
"And miss out on the chance to find my new signature thot scent? I think not." There was something hilarious whenever Hobi would refer to himself like that. Mostly because he was the most pure person he had ever met aside from himself.
"You don't even have anything from there." Which really, should have been shocking considering the impressive collection of scents and lotions he had witness precarious stacked in the other's bathroom.
"Which clearly means it's time to change that." Reading between the lines, it was so incredibly easy to see what his friend was doing. Telling him that it was alright without actually using the words. Letting him know that he didn't care what his preferences were. If Seokjin wanted to wear pretty panties then he would help him find the cutest pair they had. "So, what does Jungkook like?"
"Um." Teeth sunk into his lip and he instantly regretted the action, the sharp edge cutting into the scab that had formed and sending a burst of pain through the flesh. "He really likes me in red and black."
"Have you ever thought about getting a set?" Yes. Yes of course he had thought about that. But it was another thing entirely to actually buy something like that.
"Yes but -" Would Jungkook even like that? He seemed to enjoy it when he wore lace and silk and other pretty little things. And if he got it in the right colors, the ones he had requested, then it might be alright.
"Stop being so shy, babe. Look at you. You're a knock out. And Jungkook is going to lose his mind when he see's you." Somehow it was so incredibly easy to believe it whenever Hoseok sprouted praise at him. Maybe because it was just so genuine. It didn't come with any expectations, or because he was using it as a form of manipulation. It was because those thoughts were truly his own. Those words were what he truly felt.
"Alright. I guess it couldn't hurt to have something for a special occasion." Even if his heart was positively racing at the very idea.
"Exactly. Oh, when's his birthday? You could wrap a bow around you're neck and tell him you're his gift." It was in that moment that the realization came.
That he didn't know Jungkook's birthday.
That he didn't even know how old he was.
Didn't know what he actually did.
Didn't even know his last name.
The force of it was enough to make him stop, To make him stare straight ahead with a sickening feeling he didn't want to be expriencing.
He just bet Jimin knew.
Jimin probably knew everything.
Every little thing about Jungkook that there was to now.
And he tried to tell himself that it didn't matter. That all of this time he wasn't supposed to know. That there was time for him to find out. That Jimin really didn't have that much over him because he had the one thing the other never would.
He had Jungkook's love.
But as Hoseok came back, stood in front of him with concern lacing his features, asking almost desperately if he was alright, all he could do was nod. Nod and apologize and say that he had suddenly just gotten dizzy. Made up an excuse that he hadn't eaten and maybe they should hit up their favorite little place after this.
That look didn't fade, even as Hoseok lead him through the open aired space towards the store they intended to visit. And he forced himself out of his own thoughts and back into the moment. Allowed the joy to overtake the overwhelming sadness that started to seep in around the edges. Tested out so many different scents that he was certain they left smelling like a whore house. Each found ones they liked and giggled as they purchased the entire set, quietly making a date for later in the week to raid each other's collections.
It was one more thing that made him eternally grateful for having found someone like Hoseok. He had been like a missing puzzle piece that he had needed all of his life. Someone who just accepted him as he was. Someone who just loved him and cared for him and wanted nothing but his friendship in return. And he tried so incredibly hard to give it. To be that person in return.
It should have been awkward. Piling everything onto the counter to check out. But all the little cashier had done was compliment his choice of fragrance. The vanilla was light and sweet and she even made suggestions of other things it could be layered with. The dark amber gave it a whole new set of notes that he had to try. And for the first time, he actually didn't feel embarrassed as the pretty little scraps of lace joined the cosmetics. Mostly because she did it so discreetly. Like there was nothing strange or out of place about it. And he wanted to thank her for being the first person who ever actually made him feel normal during this whole exprience. But she just smiled and handed him the bag with the bright tissue paper carefully covering everything and told him she was in love with his glasses.
