There were somethings in this life that you were simply better off never knowing.
Stacking up all of the times that particular lesson had applied to his life recently would surely add up to more than the intended average.
Curiosity had constantly tried to get the better of him. Had formulated questions within his mind that he desperately wanted to know the answers to.
But sometimes there were no answers. And that lesson had been just a painful to learn as the first.
Yet neither of them were as painful as the days spent alone. As the days spent without Jungkook. All that absence had done was make his fondness grow. Was make the broken, shattered pieces of his heart fall just a little bit more. Make the infection set in just a little bit deeper.
Because the infection didn't need the source to keep thriving. But the cure did. Needed it to be effective. To keep them both alive. To heal them from the inside out.
So he accepted those lessons and the pain that came along with them. Beat those feelings down until they were buried and forgotten in some long lost corner of his heart.
Because if the option were to be free of this pain, this infection, but be without Jungkook, he would chose the suffering a million times over.
He would chose Jungkook. Over and over and over again.
...
That picture haunted him. Made him do things he wouldn't otherwise. Turned him into some reckless kamikaze hell bent on his own destruction. It was by the grace of some god he likely didn't even know the name of that he made it unharmed, pulling into the very first open spot he found.
Actually that was a lie. He spent approximately ten useless minutes trying to parallel park, only to realize that he was never going to accomplish it even with the use of the back up camera. Thankfully there was another just a bit further down the block, and he pulled in effortlessly, killing the engine and hopping out, hitting the lock function and taking off. Before doubling back, cursing his own impatience as he grabbed his bags and slung them over his shoulder.
One of his neighbor was checking their mail, and they stopped him to inquire about an apparent very angry looking man dressed in all black that had been sitting outside his door the previous Friday, looking for all the world like he was prepared to murder the very first person who glanced at him wrong.
He laughed, actually laughed at the image that popped up within his mind, and offered his neighbor absolutely no reassurance beyond that. Perhaps that was the one thing it wouldn't hurt to ask about. The one thing that he could actually allow his curiosity to be satisfied on.
A jealous Jungkook was apparently the very best Jungkook.
Long fingers played over the keys of the pad on his door, typing in the code before pushing open the door and -
Later he would realize that he had been entirely unsure of exactly what he was expecting. But that was more of a reoccuring theme in this entire ordeal than anything else.
Counting back the minutes between their last text and this very moment he came to conclusion that it had been exactly twenty nine. Which was honestly pretty far out of the reaslm of expected wait times. In fact, he was completely certain Jungkook probably gave up after the first ten.
Yet there he was, spread out on the mess formed by his sheets and blankets, rolled over onto his stomach, phone in his hands, fingers playing over the screen. It was difficult to tell if he was actually wearing anything at all, considering the false wall hid the most enticing portion - or were those lip the most provocative? Or maybe it was the eyes, so wide and innocent. Or those hands and dear god he really had to stop thinking about them because he was definitely getting hard already and it was going to be embarrassing.
But all of those questions were apparently ones that had answers, because he heard more than saw Jungkook shift, pushing himself up, leaving his phone to lie forgotten in the tangle of covers, and he realized almost instantly just how much trouble he was truly in.
He would never be able to decide which he liked best. Jungkook when he was dressed in one of those outfits he seemed so fond of, or Jungkook when he was bare, inches of deeply tanned skin fully on display. All he knew was right now everything was open and his eyes were definitely straying below the metaphorical belt.
"My eyes up here, babe." Those words drew him out of his thoughts, took him back in time to a moment he so often wished he could forget. The very first moment where all of this had started. Where they had started. And he realized then that he didn't regret it. That he never had. That he never would.
"It's not your eyes I'm interested in." But his own flickered upwards, just for a moment. Just long enough to watch that full bottom lip disappear, tugged into the dark cavern of a sinful mouth by sharp white teeth.
"If you like it so much maybe you should try it." There was something about that voice, about the way it would drop, grow so deep and dark that it made him want to obey unquestionably. Made him want to drop to his knees and open his mouth and let his throat be fucked until it was raw and bleeding.
But there were strings cutting into his fingers, the memory of the purchases hidden behind colorful scraps of tissue paper coming back into his mind. And he closed his own eyes, just long enough to cut off the fixation he had formed, trying to force himself to find some other focus. Long lashes fluttered softly, eyes rolling as he looked up, tongue tracing along his top lip before sucking the bottom one between his own teeth.
"I want that so much, daddy." His mouth was actually watering so much he was forced to swallow it down before it came running over and he actually did embarrass himself. "But I have a surprise for you."
"Mm, I'm not sure I can wait baby. Daddy needs you so much." Something inside of him sparked, and he wondered if he would ever grow tired of hearing how much Jungkook wanted him. Of knowing that he was the one who made him that excited. That hard and wanting.
"It'll be worth the wait." He never understood where the sudden influx of self esteem seemed to come from when they played like this. Perhaps it was the fact that Jungkook truly made him feel impossibly beautiful, like he held some quality that no one else did. Like he was radiant and ethereal.
"Ten minutes." It came out as a low growl, and for the first time he saw just how hard the other was working to hold himself back. Realized just how many signs there had been of just how much he affected this man. Recalled feeling those powerful thighs shake. Feeling those strong arms shudder as they moved together, bodies and hearts and souls connected.
"Thank you daddy." This game was dangerous, like standing far too close to a fire that was raging out of control, with nothing more than the moisture from a single kiss as a weapon. And he was so unskilled, lacking the confidence needed to grow his arsenal. But this felt like a victory, And victories were meant to be celebrated.
Or maybe he was just asking for it.
