There was a very clear set of rules of unspoken rules that he was expected to follow. They were so very simple on the surface. Should have been so easy to follow. But they just left him feeling more and more exhausted as time went on.
...
Be available.
Having a social life was practically out of the question, but considering he'd never had one before, it wasn't really much of a sacrifice. Keeping himself constantly available on the simple chance that Jungkook would want him wasn't the issue.
It was how tiring it was to constantly wait.
To always have his phone on. To constantly be sending text of his work schedule. To never once have any of those text actually answered. To be woken up in the middle of the night by drunk phone calls because Jungkook had been at some party and his hook up had apparently fallen through. To have him suddenly showing up at his door step, soaking wet from the storm that raged outside and those wide doe eyes staring up at him.
Sometimes he thought that was the worst part.
Having his life suddenly up-heaved with absolutely no warning, despite the way he was meant to be constantly available for that exact thing.
But he just learned to operate with more stress and less sleep and went on with the illusion he was creating.
...
Don't ask questions.
That one was far simpler than the last. Because while his curiosity tried to get the better of him more often than not, he had realized at the very beginning that he was far better off just not knowing. Because it didn't matter. The singular person it mattered to was him. He was the only factor in this equation, and it was better to just remove himself from it and therefore eliminate the problem completely.
So he didn't ask questions. Never opened his mouth about all of the things he wanted to. Didn't ask where the other had been, or who he had been with. Because he didn't want to know.
He wanted to know. But this was the only thing he was getting right. The only thing he was doing to save himself at all.
...
Be a good boy.
He was the best boy. Whatever Jungkook wanted he went along with so easily. He listened to everything that was requested of him and did it without question. Rarely ever complained and only ever asked for praise and gentle affection in return. And he got it in spades. Soft touches of a hand against his scalp and kind words whispered in his ear. Long nights of being wrapped up in strong arms with nothing but the moon light between them.
It was his favorite rule. And he preened whenever he was complimented on how good he was doing. Such a good little play thing. Always available. Always ready. Always so warm and welcoming.
It was the one that benefited him the most. The one that fed into all of his insecurities. The one that kept the demons that ate away at his self worth at bay.
