Their trip to the market was interesting. An eventful outing filled with Jungkook piling things he didn't need into the cart and he was certain by the end of it all it had only been to hear him whine and complain. More snacks than they would ever be able to consume in a single night - and alright, maybe he was a little shocked when Jungkook told him that he knew, that he was aware of that. That it had been his intention, for the next time he had to escape whatever it was he was running from. So he had reluctantly allowed it, keeping a mental tally within his mind and mourning the dent it was going to make in his bank account.
Until Jungkook swiped his card before he could even take out his wallet, chatting easily with the pretty little cashier. He stood there in all of his awkward glory, feeling like a third wheel who was simply there to load the bags back into the cart.
"You didn't have to do that." It was a quiet whisper, said as they were loading the bags into the back of the SUV his mother and father had managed to purchase for him on his nineteenth birthday. Nineteen years of never once receiving a present, and suddenly they shock him with that. Sleek black and far more expensive than anything he ever would have chosen for himself. He had asked once why they didn't just put that money towards his education, and his mother had laughed and said because they knew he was just going to end up as a chef anyway.
Like that would be such a terrible thing.
"Let daddy spoil you, baby." There had never once been anyone who actually wanted to do anything nice for him simply because. There had always been a reason, or some ulterior motive.
Or just because they felt sorry for him.
"But I -" What had he even intended to say? He didn't even know.
"This really is all new to you, isn't it?" His eyes were meant to be on the road. And his fingers gripped the steering wheel just a little bit harder as he pulled up to a red light and chanced glancing over at where the other sat. Only to instantly regret it when he saw his head leaned back against the high seat, exposing that long throat and collar bone and suddenly he got the overwhelming desire to bite into it and leave a mark of his own.
"What gives you that idea?" Besides the obvious.
"Oh, just a feeling I have." He shouldn't like it when the other sounded so smug. He definitely should not. "Look, you don't ask where I am when I'm not with you."
"Or who you're with." It slipped out before he could stop it, and he instantly regretted it. Felt his hands tightening even further, had him shifting in his seat like he was suddenly uncomfortable.
"Exactly. Because it doesn't matter." But it did. It did matter. It mattered so incredibly much and it made all of this so wrong. He felt it, deep down inside of his heart. He knew that all of this was only ever going to end badly. "And in return you get spoiled. Easy as that."
Easy as that.
Wasn't that technically exactly what everyone had been telling him to do? He could practically hear Taehyung's voice ringing in his ear, telling him that he should find the first moderately attractive rich man who showed any hint of interest in him and resign himself to being kept. To being taken care of. To using the apparent gifts of his looks to his advantage.
Only he'd never had enough confidence to actually go through with it. And there had never been anyone he found even remotely attractive enough to be worth it.
Until now.
"I don't know if I can." It was so raw and so honest and he hadn't meant for it to actually come out. Hadn't meant for him to actually admit to something like that. Could he honestly take Jungkook constantly coming and going from his life, always wondering where he was, why he wasn't answering the phone? Constantly living in fear that he would find someone else, someone better, and that he would be left behind. Again.
"Take some time and think about it baby." Maybe it would be easier now that the expectations were actually defined. That he knew exactly what this was and what this wasn't. "But I promise, when I'm with you? You're the only one who has me."
The only one.
He wanted to be someone's only with everything he was. Wanted to feel like he was loved and wanted and desired. And there had never been a chance before now. And considering how long it had been for this opportunity to present it's self, he may never actually get another. May never actually have someone sitting there across from him, offering him something so close to what he so desperately wanted.
Was he that desperate? That pathetic? That he would settle for being someone's second? Someone's third? Someone's last option. Only ever getting so much of someone while giving his all in return.
Yes. The answer was yes. He was that desperate and that pathetic and he wanted it that much.
"Can we stop if it becomes too much?" If his feelings got any deeper. If he couldn't stop himself from going down the path he had already started walking.
"Of course baby. You call the shots." But did he? Did he really? Was he really in any amount of control here? Because it definitely didn't feel like it.
"Then..." He was going to regret this. He knew with absolute certainty, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he was going to come to regret this. It probably wouldn't happen on this day. Nor would it happen on the next. But it would. And he would curse his own weakness. Would curse himself for not being stronger. For not putting his own well being first. For breaking himself even further.
Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to try and focus. To try and not give into his instincts, to the overwhelming depression that seemed to seep into every aspect of his life. This wasn't going to last, and he knew that. Was totally and completely aware that he was just desperately grasping at whatever little pieces of happiness that he could.
Maybe it would be alright. Maybe he could fool himself. Maybe he could pretend. He was so incredibly good at that. At pretending like everything was okay when it wasn't. Maybe he could handle this.
He was such an awful liar.
"Can I ask for one thing?" It felt dangerous, not just simply giving in to the terms as they had been laid out. Like he was going to somehow lose his chance entirely.
"Depends on what it is." He tried to keep himself from looking over. He did. Knew that his resolve would weaken if he did. But he couldn't stop it. Glanced over and instantly regretted every single choice that had lead up to that moment. Because Jungkook looked so incredibly good in the late afternoon sunlight, and it made something within him tighten.
"Only say you're coming to me if you actually can." It seemed like so much. Like he was asking for so much. Too much, in fact.
"Alright, sweetheart. I can do that." That Jungkook would actually agree so easily, that he wouldn't just laugh and tell him he was expecting too much made the panic of his own bravery subside, just a little. And he found himself letting out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding. "Does that mean you agree?"
"I -" No. No he didn't agree. He shouldn't. He should not. But history seemed to repeat it's self endlessly. Everything was nothing more than an echo of something else. And he didn't know how to do what was good for himself. "Yes."
"I'm going to take such good care of you, baby." The backs of long fingers stroked over the heat skin of his cheek, and he found himself subconsciously leaning into the touch, hating how easily he responded to every little bit of affection. It was probably so easy to tell how touch starved he really was.
Now all he had to do was hope that Jungkook's care wouldn't leave him as battered and broken as he was expecting.
...
Author's Note: Okay yes they are in fact in their Bapsae outfits don't judge me
