"It started a week ago." That voice was tight and strained, and he desperately wanted to ease the tension away. Shifted to press his lips against a pulse point, soft and gentle. "He keeps saying he wants an explanation. Like if he keeps asking the same question over and over, eventually the answer will be different."
"What did you tell him?" His tried to keep the impending pain out of his own voice. Like he was entirely aware that this could leave him just as bruised as Jimin had been.
"At first I just told him that I wanted to be with you. But that wasn't enough. So I told him I was in love with you. And that just made him even more persistent. Like he couldn't get it through his head."
"You were together for a long time. I -" He didn't want to think about it. Didn't want to put himself into Jimin's shoes. But he could slip into them so easily. Could understand exactly how he felt. Could only imagine how badly it must hurt to spend five years of your life with someone, only to have them fall for another within months. "I can't imagine how that must feel. Watching someone who you've spent so much time with fall in love with someone else."
"Jimin knew what we were about." How many times had Jungkook told him that exact thing? That Jimin knew what he did. That he understood. Except maybe he was just as desperate for love and affection as Seokjin always had been, willing to take it from absolutely any source which offered it.
"What were you about?" He didn't want to know. He was so painfully aware that he did not want to know. There was a list a mile long of things he would rather be asking, but here he was, wasting his chances on this.
"Sure you really want to know?" No. No he wasn't sure at all.
"Yes." He knew, the very moment that word left his lips that he was going to regret it.
"It's going to bruise you, Seokjin." And he was already so ruined. So torn down and wrecked. He was never sure how much more he could take.
"It's alright. You're worth it." He had already endured so much pain because of this one man. This one final weight felt like it might overwhelm him. But he would find the strength somewhere, would pull it from the very depths of his soul he had to.
"We met at a party. Kind of ironic now that I think about it. Taehyung introduced us. Said I had to meet this childhood friend of his.
Jimin was different back then. A lot more like you."
"What do you mean?" He braced himself, waiting for the impact of the answer.
"I mean he was a mess, Seokjin. So desperate for attention and love that he literally clung on to the first person who gave it to him. Sound familiar?"
It did. Of course it did. And he felt the first bruise beginning to form within his heart. All he could do was nod and wait for the next blow.
"We fucked that first night. And honestly I thought that was it. Only he was at the next party. And the one after that. We kept ending up in bed together. I didn't even know why. There wasn't even anything that special about him to keep me coming back. He was just easy. I didn't even have to work for it. We lasted six months that first time before he caught me with my cock in someone else's mouth.
I didn't even care that I hurt him. All I cared about what that I didn't have to sneak around anymore. I could go back to doing whatever I wanted.
Then I saw him with this other guy. I don't even remember his fucking name. But I hated the fact that he was touching something of mine.
So I got him back. We lasted three months that time. And the cycle just washed and repeated."
"Why? If you didn't love him -"
"Because it was fun. Seeing how far I could break him. How much he willing to go through for me. It took me two years to get him to agree to our deal. We'd be together for a few weeks until I got tired of looking at him then go do what I wanted."
"That's -" Awful. Horrible. Terrible. There were so many words that came to mind, but he couldn't bring himself to say any of them.
"Fucked up? Yeah. I'm aware." He didn't know if that made it better or worse.
"Were there other's?" Other's who had been like him.
"Other's like you? Oh yeah. Most of them only lasted a couple of weeks though. Playing the game sounds like fun until they're not the center of attention anymore."
There were somethings in this life that you just didn't need to know.
And he was well and entirely aware that this was one of them.
Yet he asked anyway.
"Were there other's when we met?"
"I was actually with Jimin that night we met."
"You said you weren't." There it was. The next impact. Hitting and leaving a cater so large that nothing would ever fill it.
"Is it really that surprising that I lied?" No. No of course it wasn't. Just like it wasn't surprising that those words should have chipped away at the love he held for this man. At the trust he had given so freely.
But they didn't. And he couldn't understand why.
"Yoongi asked me to keep you company. That's all I was supposed to do. But I took one look at you and I swear on my fucking life, Jin, I've never felt anything like before. I wanted you more than I wanted to breathe. I thought I could just have you and walk away and that would be it."
"So what made you change your mind?" It would have been so easy for them to just walk away from each other. To just call it a mistake and ignore it. Yet Jungkook had been the one who hadn't left it alone.
"I saw you again. Do you know how much I wanted to just take you right there on that table? And I knew I should just leave you alone. But I couldn't.
So I gave you my number. I figured I'd let you decide." And of course he had fallen right into that trap. Had been so desperate for the affection that was being shown towards him. So desperate to be wanted. For once in his entire life.
"That night you called me, I wanted to come to you. I did, Jinnie."
"So why didn't you?" He had always wanted to know. Had come up with so many different scenarios inside of his own mind that he couldn't even recall them all anymore.
"I was still with Jimin. And normally I wouldn't give a fuck. But I knew I wasn't gonna be able to let you go. So I went and ended things. We ended up fighting and by the time I left it was hours later.
All of that time I was with you, I was only with you. And I'm fucked up, but I'm not blind, Seokjin. I could see what it was doing to you.
So I lied. I told you Jimin wanted to get back together. But really it was me who went crawling back."
"Why?" All of that time. All of those months. They could have been together. Could have been working towards this. Could have gained it so much sooner.
"Because I didn't want you to become like Jimin. I ruined him, Seokjin. I took a perfectly good person and I destroyed him. And I don't even care.
I didn't want to wreck you. But that night, at the restaurant, I saw you and it felt like suddenly I could breathe again. Like I hadn't been alive in months. I knew I should stay away from you. but I couldn't. Every time you said it was too much, that you wanted it to be over, I was ready to drop down onto my knees and beg you."
