Blonde and Brunette

Heal

Maybe things will be different now.. Now that we're safe. The gladers finally escaped WICKED, flying out of the city and to safety, their wounds being wrapped and healed on the berg. Thomas stayed passed out, his mind filled with memories of Newt. The room inside the berg was scarily quiet, only occasional conversations or Jorge talking to Brenda on directions. The blades hummed silently outside the room, as the sounds of the ocean sounded as the sun started to rise. Thomas eventually came to, as tears sprang to his eyes of his memories. Relief flooded through every person on that craft as they landed and the gate opened. Sunlight streamed in, blinding everyone for a few moments. The light, combined with the feeling of safety, was enough for the gladers to smile.

Thomas POV

I took my first awkward steps off the berg, faced with welcoming faces. Aris, Sonya, Harriet, all my friends raced over and attacked us with hugs and smiles.
"Thomas!" Sonya yelled, hugging me and looking around inside the berg. "Where's Newt..?"
Holding my side, tears came to my eyes. Her smile dwindled, and she let go of me as Harriet came over and asked the same. Shaking my head I walked off, hearing a heartbreaking scream and a sob from behind me as reality hit her. Tears blurred my sight as I stumbled away, eventually falling to my knees on the beach out looking the ocean.
I felt myself break down, as muffled screams came out of me. Rage broke out, along with every other emotion I've been bottling up ever since..
Finally, I regained my composure. Wiping my tears, my hand hit the capsule by my neck. A million thoughts flooded my mind, but I took it gently off and looked at the small metal tube in my hand. What is inside that he wanted to give me so desperately..?
After some time, I opened the top with a shaky hand. Out spilled a neatly wrapped letter, along with a small gold ring. Sniffling, I turned the ring over in my hands, wondering the meaning behind it. Drawing in a shaky breath, I untied the cord around the letter and opened it, reading silently..

Dear Thomas,

This is the first letter I can remember writing... although I don't know if I wrote any before the maze, if it's not my first, it's likely to be my last. I want you to know, that I'm not scared, well... not of dying anyway, it's more forgetting, it's loosing myself to this virus. That's what scares me. And so every night, I say their names out loud, Alby, Winston, Chuck, and just repeat them over and over like a prayer. Then it all comes flooding back, just the small things, like how the sun hits the glade at that perfect moment, right before it dipped behind the walls. And I remember the taste of Frypan's stew, gosh, I never thought I'd miss that stuff so much.
And I remember you, I remember when I first met you, a scared little Greenie that couldn't even remember his own name. But from the moment I met you, I knew I would follow you anywhere... and I have. We all have. If I could do it all over again, I would. And I wouldn't change a thing. My hope for you is, that when your looking back, years from now, you'll be able to say the same.
Do you remember way back in the glade, when you told me the brightest star was on Earth, Tommy? You said it was me. I was the brightest star, and I was on Earth. Well... I just wanted to make sure, whenever you feel lonely, you can look up at the sky and no matter what, I'm looking down on you Tommy. I'm still here, just like I was on Earth. Just look up and I'm there. I still love you. Always have, always will. And I'm so lucky that it was just a bad leg.. because if it wasn't, I never would have met you. You also said that you'd protect me.. and you've done your job.. now it's time to let me go.
The future's in your hands now Tommy, and I know you'll find a way to do what's right. You always have. Take care of everyone for me. And take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy. I'll protect you while you sleep and keep the nightmares away, my love.
Thank you for being my boyfriend... I love you

Goodbye Mate,

Newt

Tears spilled out of my eyes faster then I could wipe them away, my heart wanting to tear the letter into a million pieces, to scream, to break down.. but I didn't, I cried, and cried, as shuddered sobs shook my entire body. I failed him, I promised him I'd protect him, I promised him that I'd keep him safe and never let him fall into being a crank. I promised him so much, but I was never able to keep them.
After a while, I allowed myself to think about him, I allowed myself to finally break down now that everyone else is safe. I allowed myself to imagine him sitting next to me now, laughing, smiling..
I remember his small frail body, the body I held in my arms that night, the body I wrapped my arms around every day.. The body I'll never hold again. His beautiful eyes, the ones I'll never see brighten when he smiles, the ones that crinkle when he frowns, the ones that show more love then any other features could. His soft blonde hair, I'll never be able to run my hands through again. To braid, to tie up when it fell into his eyes. His lips, small, soft and pale pink.. The ones I've kissed, ran my thumb over, the ones that have pecked my forehead at night, the ones who made me feel like there was something worth living again. The ones that made a shiver fly down my spine. His small fragile hands, that I linked into mine that first day I was in the maze. The ones that ran themselves through my hair, the ones that cupped my face when I was upset. His small face, the one that I fell in love with, along with his sweet personality, his kind self.. I'll never have any of that again..

At nightfall, I finally gathered myself enough to get up and walk back to camp. The first person I found was Minho, and I fell into his outstretched arms. Fighting the urge to cry, I felt him almost shaking as well..
"It'll be okay Thomas.." He said quietly, as I let go of him.
I stifled an outburst of tears. "When you loose somebody you love Minho... you never get over it... you just get used to it.. and maybe someday we'll get used to it."
Silently, he nodded and let me go, as I walked towards the bonfire. Jorge stood beside Brenda and Aris, motioning to me up to the platform. And I did. Walking up there, they pointed to a slab of stone placed in the center of the camp, the fire illuminating it for everyone to see.
"It's to write the names of the fallen.." Jorge said quietly with an old friend of his, Lawrence, beside him.
I nodded gratefully, and took a knife from the table, heading to the rock and carefully carving his name...
I looked over to Sonya, who gave me a quick reassuring smile, and Harriet beside her, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders and waving to me. Others came around me, writing names, some of which I knew and lost, others I didn't...
Maybe someday we will all heal, maybe someday I'll be okay again..
  I miss you Newt, I miss you so much..