Blonde and Brunette

I AM crazy

Thomas POV

Newt finally woke up in my arms, and I hugged him tightly.
   "I'm sorry, I'm sorry Newt.. I hurt you!"
    He shakes his head. "No, you didn't, I'm fine."
    "Minho said I hit you! And I was thrashing around and you kept getting hit!"
    He sighs, "But it's ok, I'm not hurt... I just want to know your okay."
    I run a thumb over his face, and he tries not to wince when I touch the bruise. "It does hurt, I know it does. I can see it.... I hurt you..."
   "Listen Tommy, it's ok, I've been through worse."
     I hug him tight. "You shouldn't have gone through worse.. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I wish I could help."
     "Shh, it's alright." He comforted, rocking me gently.
     "But... but I broke a rib! That's not alright!"
     "It's ok, it'll heal."
   I tear up a little, sighing and hugging him tightly. "I'm sorry Newtie.."
    "It's alright Tommy, it's ok.." I sigh again and calm down. I'm hurting him and I can't help....

A few days later of crying, dreaming and running is doing me in. I'm exhausted, but always have enough energy to see Newt for a while. The dreams have gotten more... scary. It only gives me that small part and every time... I have to shoot him... I once tried not to... but he shot himself instead. It's like.. no matter what I did... he always died. And I always ended up screaming and waking myself. Or hurting Newt... now there's a bruises all over him and it's all my fault. I've told him to stay away from me when I sleep. But he never listens. And always insists he's fine. I'm about to make him promise not to be around me...

I'm laying in bed, half asleep, and I can hear those final words... "Please.. Tommy... please.." I try to call out to him, but he won't listen... I turn my head and shoot.... this never gets easier... but if it really happens... what if this is more of a vision instead of just a dream.... I have to tell him, I have to save him, warn him, do something! I can't let him die because of me..... suddenly a girls voice rings out.
   "The last city.... it's the last city... Thomas, we have to go. We have to save him."
    I try to yell out "Save who?!"
    She doesn't reply and the dream fades away into the darkness. I scream and wake up. Hearing a yelp as I sit up quickly, then fall back and cry really hard and look over to see Newt holding his face, tears coming to his eyes.
    "Oh Newt, I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I nearly yell, my hand flying to my mouth to keep from crying.
    "It's fine..."
     I start panicking, I couldn't breathe, everything was blurry, then pass out.

    I don't remember anything... then when I wake up, I see a beautiful face first, and everything's bright.   
    "Am I in heaven?"
    I hear a laugh and then things start to clear up. I look around and see the hut. Then my eyes focus and I see Newt's worried face, and Minho laughing in the back.
   "W-what happened?"
   Minho explained. "You nearly stopped breathing when you passed out."
    "Oh... I'm sorry." I said, sighing.
    "It's fine." Newt said, hugging me once again.
    "Newt.... I have to tell you something...."
    He looks at me worriedly. I'm trying not to panic.
    "What is it Tommy?"
    I sigh and look down. "I-you-it's... the dream..."
   "What about it?" He asks, frowning.
   "It's... uh... well..."
    I'm to scared and sad to say it.... so Minho just yells   
    "Spit it out shank!"
     I panic and yell out "You're gonna die!" His face goes pale within milliseconds, and Minho glares death rays at me.
   "W hat?" I sigh and look at him, while he looks down and chews his fingernails.
    "I-I don't know for sure.... but t-the dreams.... i-it's you.... and you.. you die." He looks down so I can't see his face.
    "It's alright... it's what I wanted anyways."
    "No, no, Newtie... don't talk like that, I'm gonna stop it. I promise. Maybe we can stop it..."
   He curls into a ball, leaning against the wall and hides his face in his knees.
    "No, Newt.. hey, Listen, it's gonna be ok."
    He doesn't move at all.. Minho calls and Clint runs in.
    "Sorry, Wait... what's the matter?"
    Minho answers for me. "Thomas's dream..."
    I start panicking again, and I'm having trouble breathing. Clint tries to help.
   "Thomas, calm down. Think of something happy."
   I try to think. "Uh... cats? Um..." My mind is blank. "I can't think of anything!"
     Clint and Minho try to help, "Uh.... think of being in a happy place."
     "No, think of you and Newt smiling and joking around!"
     "He doesn't smile Clint!" I tell them.
     "Uh... think of him... just being kinda happy?"
    Minho ruins the moment. "He's never happy either!"
    I groan and start thinking of him anyway, his hair, his face, his beautiful face... still not working because it's all becoming my dream!
   "Think of him Shirtless!!"
   "CLINT!" Minho bursts into laughter and Newt groans and curls into a ball tighter.
   "Just think! It'll help!" I huff and say, "Oh my god Clint thinks I'm gay, well... maybe I am, but... still..."
    I close my eyes and think of him, every muscle and ab... then I smile and look at Newt all curled up in a small ball.
   "Newt, Newtie, it's ok, calm down. I promise you, Clint's drunk!"
   "No I'm not!" Clint yells.
    He still doesn't move. "Newt, please, look at me, please. Someone help him..."
    I start to panic again because I can't help him. So Minho takes over and rests a hand on Newt's shoulder.
    "Listen, Blonde, it's gonna be ok. We'll find a way to stop it.." He frowned and the blood drained from his face. "He's so pale."
    "What?!" I try to move again, but I can't still.... 
    "Newt, please, look at me."
     He looks up at me ever so slightly, and I can see his chocolate eyes full of tears. He's having a panic attack..
    "You look like a ghost.." Minho says, "You sure he's not one?"
    "Shut up" I try to sit up again, but wince instead and huff. I try harder and sit up, then hug him tightly.
    "Newtie, please tell me what's wrong, your gonna make me cry..."
   I tear up and squeeze him. "I'm fine Tommy..."
   "Uh.. Guys, can you leave us alone?"
    They nod and walk out so it's just me and a depressed Newt. I take his ice cold hand.
    "Newt, Newtie, Listen, I promise that everything will be ok. Did I do something? Please talk to me... I'm not trying to sound gay like Clint said, but... I love you, ok?"
   "You didn't do anything.... but I'm fine..." He drops his voice to a whisper. "Love you too." I hug him, then Clint yells from outside. "You kicked him three times Thomas!"
    "Well thanks for the info!" I yell back.
    "Did I hurt you Newt? Badly?" He shakes his head.  
    "No, I'm fine." He says, burying his head in his knees again.
    "Stop saying your fine! Your not, I can see it."
    He lifts his head to look at me, and he's crying.. so I hug him tighter.
    "Newt, it's not gonna happen, I promise. I'm not gonna let anything happen to you... if you die, I die too"
    "No, no, you can't. No matter what happens, you have to promise me, that you'll keep living."
   "No.. I can't live without you." I say, tearing up.
   "Promise me."
   I look at his sad, pleading face, and sigh.
   "Promise... but we're gonna stop it. We're all gonna get outta here and be ok." 
    "Maybe...." he says as he curls tighter into a ball.
    "Newt!" I yell
    "I'm fine..."
    "It's gonna be alright. I'll protect you, no matter what."
   "Ok..." He finally loosens up and hugs me back, I hug him, never wanting to let go and protect him forever.
    "You need to rest now Tommy."
    "I can't rest, I have to protect you. You guys can come back in!"
    Minho and Clint shove their way in.
    "I'll be fine, Minho and Alby will keep an eye out for you Tommy." I sigh and lay back.
    "Lemme check your leg Newt." Clint said.
    "Love ya Newtie." I mutter.
    "Go ahead Clint, love ya too Tommy."
    He sighs and curls back into a ball and I lay back and relax.
    "Wait!! You two!!" Clint points at us. Minho yells,
    "Are they?!"
    "Nooo, go away!" We say together.
   "Just kidding Mama Newt, it's to late to see anything anyways. C'mon Minho." Those idiots walk out and I curl up next to Newt. He fell asleep uncomfortably, so I make him comfy.
I eventually calm down and get up, then peaks out the door to find Clint and Minho keeping guard. Except Minho's asleep standing up.
    "Minho! Wake up!" He jumps.
    "I wasn't sleeping!"
    "Mm, Newt's... well... a mess right now..."
    "I bet." Minho mutters. I roll my eyes and walk inside.
    "Hey, Newtie?"
    I go over to him to see him crying in his sleep. I get a cloth and wipe his face gently. Then sit next to him, stroking his hair. He starts muttering something, and I lean closer to hear him.
    "Owwwwww, Tommy.. that hurt..."
   "Shh, what hurts?" I ask and he groans.
    "Oww, It all hurts, kicked me...." I tear up again.  
    "Newt... I'm so sorry..."
    "Can't... let him see...."
     I know how to play this game. "Can't what? Can't let me see what?"
    "Don't let him see hurt..."
    I put a hand over my mouth so I don't wake him by my gasp. I jump up and bolt outside to get Clint. Unfortunately he's asleep. So I slap him.
    "Clint! Get up! Look at this, fast!" I run back inside and Clint follows.
    "Look at it! Did I do that?!"
    "Uh..." he checks all over Newt's body.
    "What did I do?! Clint, tell me!"
    "Thats where... Uh, you kicked him a few times."  
    "I-it's... oh my god... can you fix it?!" I say, freaking out.
    "Uh... i don't know, but his leg's out of place again."
    "No, please no, it's gonna hurt him to put it back.."
   He nods, "Its ok, it was an accident. It's from when you were thrashing and everything."
    "What, I.. no..." I start crying. "I'm so sorry Newtie."
    "It's ok Thomas, calm down." Clint says, trying to calm me down, so I sit and put my face in my hands.
   "It's not ok!" I hurt him!"
   "You weren't thinking right, it's alright."
    I sigh. "Is there anything you can give him for the pain?"
    Clint nods. "Let me find it first." He looks around for them while I gently stroke Newt's face.
"Can you fix his leg?"
   "Yea, But I don't have any pain killers.."
    I sigh. "We should at least wake him up before we put it back.."
    "Agreed." Clint said, nodding.
    "He's gonna hate me for this...." So I shake him awake.
     "Huh? What?"
     "Hey Newtie... you ok?"
     "Yea... yea I'm fine..." He yawns and rolls over to look at me.
     I whisper to Clint, "Do it when he's not looking." He nods and cracks his knuckles.
     "Your not... it's gonna be ok."
     "I'm fine, just let me sleep.."
     I nod and Clint snaps back his leg. Then a horrible scream fills the glade.
    "Shh, it's ok, Shh. I'm sorry." I hug him as tears come to his eyes.
     "What the bloody hell Clint!"
      Minho runs in. "I heard a scream!"
    "Don't think he noticed Minho." I scoff. "What happened?"
    "Newt's leg was dislocated again." I explained.
    "It's fine Min." Newt said softly, tears spilling down his cheeks
    "A dislocated leg isn't nothing Blonde! I thought you were murdered or something again."
    "Wait... again?!" His face goes pale again.
    "I-it's Nothing."
    "What do you mean again?!"
    Minho explains. "There have been previous times when some others have tried to kill him..."
    "WHAT?!" I hug Newt tight. "Oh my god, my poor Newtie."
    "It's ok Tommy, I'm fine."
    "No, it's not. You hate me...."
    "I could never hate you."
    "Well I did wake you up to put you in pain!"
    "Yea but it's fine."
    I tear up again. Clint whispers to me. "He's lying... see how pale he is."
    I look at Newt. "Stop saying it's fine, it's not at all."
   "It's ok, I don't hate you."
   "Newt, don't lie, I know you to well."
   I start to sob silently. "Hey, don't cry. Don't cry!"
    "I told you he hates me Clint!" I yelled.
    "Why in the Bloody Hell would I hate you?!"
    "Because... everyone does!"
    "Nobody hates you Tommy."
    "Says the pale as a sheet Newt, Says the 99% of the time pale newt means lying Newt."
    Clint says slowly, "You are pale again."
   My tears are falling onto Newt's forehead. "Everyone hates me, so they hurt me by hurting you."
    "It's alright Tommy."
    "If you don't hate me, then why are you as pale as death?"
    "I don't hate you."
    "You super duper hate me."
    "I don't and never could."
    Then I loose it, "THEN WHAT DO YOU THINK OF ME?!?" He let's go of me and sits back, wrapping arms around his legs, pulled close to his chest. I start sobbing, thinking of everything I've done to him.
    "It's fine, forget it."
    "No, no no, I'm sorry, Newtie, no please, I'm sorry...." He doesn't move. I'm sobbing hard by now.
    "Newt, please, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...." I look over at him. He's as pale as ice again, and then he curls up into a ball tightly, his head between his knees. I try to go over to him and try to get him to loosen up,
   "Newt, Newtie... I'm sorry, please, talk to me, I'm sorry..."
    Unfortunately Minho's standing there and doesn't do a thing... I sit up then hug him extremely tight.
    "Newt, I'm so sorry, Please, Newtie...."
    "Its Fine...."
I can't handle this, so I get up and walk outside to the map room.
   Alby sees me and walks over, "Hey, What are you doing?"
    "Nothing, it's non of your business Alby." I snap and walk to the back room full of weapons. I grab a knife and walk outside.
    Alby follows me. "What are you doing? Where are you going?!"
    I huff and walk to the maze doors. "Don't you dare think about it Thomas!" I ignore him and stomp inside the walls, then grab the ivy and start climbing.
    "Thomas! You stupid shank! Get down here! What the hell are you thinking!"
    "I yell back "Fixing things!! Everyone hates me! Newt hates me! I hurt him to much! So if I wasn't here, things would be better!"
     I huff and keep climbing.
    "You Stupid ugly ass shank! You want to end up like him?!"
     "No! I want to die!"
     "So did he! But now he's stuck with a horrible limp because he did that! So. Get. Down. Here!"
    I flick the middle finger at him and climb all the way to the top, god it's high.... I take a deep breath and brace to jump.
    "All I do is hurt him Alby! He hates me! I hate me! I can't...."
     I can hear Minho screaming from the glade and running out to Alby. "ALBY! COME. HERE. RIGHT. NOW!! NOT. BREATHING!"
    I can see Alby turn and look at Minho, then glares at me and runs off.
    "Whats happening down there?!" Alby doesn't answer and runs off faster than ever. Then it hits me... and I climb down the walls faster than I went up and run to the hut. I burst in and find Minho crying while Clint's trying CPR on a pale as death Newt.
    "Oh god no, what happened?!?!"
    "Panic attack gone bad." Clint yelled, pressing hard onto Newt's chest.
    "Panic? Why did he panic?!"
    "YOU dumbass! He tried to go after you and fell, hit his head and passed out!" Clint yells out, "He's not breathing!"
     There's absolutely no color in his face at all...   
    "Clint! I hate you because you think I'm gay! But I'm literally gonna prove your point!"
    I shove him aside and start mouth to mouth.
   "Please, Newt, I'm sorry, please, I love you, I can't loose you."
    I stop for a second and put my head on his chest. No pulse or anything. So I start again, doing it harder, despite my crying. I do it for a few minutes, then hear a pulse and him struggling to breathe.
    "Please, Newt, C'mon, you can do it
    Finally he starts breathing, slowly, but I pull him into my arms, burying my face in his chest.
   "Oh my god, Newtie, I'm so sorry,I'm sorry, I didn't mean it."
    He looks up at me, and his broken expression... it killed me... his hand goes up to my face and wipes my tears. "It's ok Tommy.. I forgive you... and love you too." His voice is so small I can barely hear him.
    I grin and hug him tight.
   "I promise nothing will happen again."
    I carry him to bed and lay him down gently. Then climb next to him and put his head on my chest, and I watched him fall asleep. Clint came by and put a sprint on his leg and checked the bruises. I just stayed and cuddled him for hours. Crying silently.. "I love you Newtie." I whispered.