Blonde and Brunette

Why Him?

Thomas POV
 
  It's two weeks into me being here. I'm already starting to hate it here. The only thing that's keeping me sane is Newt. He's just the sweetest, kindest, most beautiful guy ever. Every time he plays with his hair it sent a shiver down my spine.
  I've never told him anything, but I think Minho and Clint notice how much time I spend with him. But I don't care, I couldn't live a day without him, I'd go crazy. I guess you can say we've gotten pretty close. But he seems to be hiding something, and he always looks slightly sad.. nothing I do can get rid of that hint of sadness somewhere in his face. I'm gonna find out what's bothering him... but do it in a smooth way... Unfortunately I can't think of anything right now. And one thing I've noticed in one of my 'silent moments', Minho makes sure to never say a word about the maze around him. And he never goes near the maze. Something must've happened, but I don't know if I should ask...
  But there's one day, that Minho starts speaking about the maze at dinner. Just a bunch of things really, and I wasn't really paying attention. Then I glanced Newt, he was as pale as ice, and chewing his fingernails.  I hugged him tightly, and felt him shaking a little.
"Shh, Newtie, it's ok."
Minho took one glance at him and shut up immediately, cursing under his breath, "Oh shit, I'm sorry Blonde!"
"It's ok Minho...." He said quietly while I hugged him tight, worried about how pale he got.
Alby yelled, "You idiot Minho! You know how he gets when we mention the maze!"
"You just said it to Alby!" Minho replied, "We both just did.."
I felt horrible for him, the small boy trembling in my arms. Luckily, later on he seemed to calm down, and placed his head on my chest. I sighed and held him, hesitantly stroking his hair.
"You two are jerks, you know that!" I said, while they hung their heads and Minho kept apologizing. I glared at them and carried Newt to the homestead, setting him down gently while I sat next to him.
"Why does the maze scare you Newtie?" I asked quietly. He went pale again and looks up at me sadly. I take his cold hands and rub my thumb over them.
"Never mind, it's okay, you don't have to tell me..."
He was quiet for a while, then spoke up. "I tried to kill myself in the maze... Climbed halfway up those bloody walls and jumped right off. Alby saved me.." He hung his head and looked down at the wooden floor. "The thing is.. I didn't want to be saved... I wanted it to end... right then and there.. I can't even die right.. I'm useless, worthless, what am I alive for?"

Let's just say I was shocked. I teared up and hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry Tommy, it was stupid, I know..." He started, but I shook my head.
"No no, it's not, I'm sorry that it got like that."
"I'm such a fuck up..." He mumbled, snuggling closer to me.
"No your not, I'm sorry Newt." I said gently, holding him for a while and letting him cry silently. Soon he fell asleep of exhaustion, tears still falling. So I wiped them away gently with a finger and put my forehead to his. Laying him down, I curled up next to him, making his head lay on my chest. I sigh and cry myself. The poor kid.. He doesn't deserve to feel like that.. he doesn't deserve any of this. He should be happy, in the real world. No wonder he's always so sad... and those idiots bringing it up mustn't help either...