Up in Flames (Fire Force fanfic)

Chapter Nine: Time Off

"You're getting paid time off." Benimaru tells me as I walk into his office.

"Why?" I ask.

"You have been through a traumatic event, you're going to take a week off. I'm not punishing you, I'm just doing what's best for you. Use the time to see a therapist or do stuff you like, just use this time to cope with what happened."

He's right...I won't be helpful like this.

"Ok I'll do that. By the way...are the parents holding a funeral?" I begin to nervously touch over the scars on my hands. All that was left behind on my hand are the burn marks left from the child's fingertips.

"Will that help you cope with what happened?"

I meet his gaze, "Yes, I need to see that child one last time. I know I will regret not going to the funeral."

"If that's how you feel then you can come with the company to the funeral. The funeral will happen in three days."

"Thank you."

As I turn to leave I hear Benimaru call out, "Please take care of yourself."

I look back at him, "I will."

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After I leave the guardhouse I spot the mother of the child infernal I had to...take care of. She spots me and runs over to me.

"I was asking for you and they said you were taking time off for mental health. I wanted to thank you and talk to you."

I owe the kid and his mom my time. She's hurting too.

"Yeah I have time, want to go to a tea house and talk?" I ask.

"That works for me." She replies.

We walk to a tea house garden, where we sat outside in a zen garden.

After we order our tea she looks to me, "You were the one who put my son to rest, right?"

"Yes I am." I say while feeling the child's hand scorched onto mine.

"I...I need to know if it was painless for him." She says looking down.

I breathe in, "I made it as painless as possible. I tried my best to make him feel as safe as he could. He just reminded me so much of my baby brother when he turned..."

I notice there are tears in her eyes. The mother holds my hands softly in hers. "Thank you."

I give her hands a squeeze as tears pour from my eyes. She stops as she touches her fingers over the burn scars on my palm. She turns my hand over and sees her son's hand print burned into my skin.

She takes my hand and gently rubs it against her cheek, "You...you held my son's hand. Thank you...thank you so much for being there for him."

"I'm happy I got to make his passing peaceful. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

She smiles so peacefully at me, "You did all you could."

I continue to sob, "Thank you so much."

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I walk back home in the rain. The meeting with the boy's mother unexpectedly eased my heart.

"Clarisse?!" I turn to see Benimaru.

"Benimaru, what's up?"

"Nothing much, just walking back from the post office."

"When was the last time you tasted the rain?" I ask while looking up toward the sky.

"I don't know, maybe I was ten years old."

I grab his hand in mine, "Wanna try?"

He grips my hand, "Sure."

We tilt our heads back and open our mouths as the rain falls. I look at him, "Fun, isn't it?"

"In a way yes. So what did you do all day?"

"I met with the boy's mother."

"And? Did it go well?" I feel his grip tighten.

"Yeah, I feel better about my decision. I still wish there was another way, but I don't feel as horrible as I did."

"That's good. I'm glad."

I love him. I fucking love him. But I don't think I can say that.

"So I was wondering...if you would feel up to going with me to Tsukimi this weekend? If you don't I tot-"

"I would love to." I look to him flirting with danger.

He blushes, "Oh um, thanks." 

I smile crookedly at him, "You're not so tough, are you?"

"What do you mean?" He asks while pouting.

I stop and stand in front of him, "You act all tough and bad but you're kind and soft in your own way."

"I'm not a kind person." He says.

"You've been kind to me, that proves you have the capacity to be kind."

The rain suddenly stops, "That's because I like being around you, Clarisse. And sometimes I wonder why that is."

"Strange how that sounds familiar." I reply as we continue walking.

"Familiar how?"

"It reminds me of a quote from Fahrenheit 451, it goes: 'We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over; so in a series of kindnesses there is at last one which makes the heart run over.'"

He smiles a half smile, "Maybe I should read that book. It sounds interesting."

"I'll let you borrow my copy."

"But isn't that the one your mother gave you? I wouldn't want to ruin it."

"I'd like you to borrow it and besides...I trust you now."

"Then I will read it since you insisted. Oh!" He stops in his tracks, "I just remembered, do you have a kimono for Tsukimi?"

"I only came here with the clothes on my back, pocket change and a book so no."

"We'll go get you one after the funeral on Friday. You still feel up to Tsukimi, right?"

"Yeah I think going to Tsukimi is better for me mentally than laying around the guardhouse alone all day drowning in guilt and depression."

"Whatever works for you."

We continue walking down the damp streets of Asakusa with the sun peaking through the clouds down on us. I couldn't ask for a better moment with him.